What Do Republicans, Montezuma and Apple Have in Common?

You’re probably familiar with the apocryphal story about Montezuma II. The Aztec chief stood on a hill overlooking the Gulf of Mexico as a fleet of Spanish vessels approached. Yet, the wily Montezuma did not see them as they sailed into the harbor virtually right before his eyes. He couldn’t see them because he had no concept of such large ships. He didn’t see because he didn’t believe.

Advantage Cortez.

True or not, the story illustrates the falsehood of the old saw “I’ll believe when I see it.” In reality it’s quite the opposite: “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

Understand this and you’re on a new marketing plane. Add one more truism, ‘facts don’t build belief,’ and you’re moving to the top of the class… and beyond 75% of B2C marketers and 99% of B2B (the purveyors of facts, facts, facts and more facts).

Case in point: How difficult was it for republicans to see that Romney could not win?

C’mon, before the first vote was cast, Obama had in his pocket about half of the electoral votes he needed: New York, New Jersey, the entire northeast, Pennsylvania, Illinois, Michigan, California, Oregon, Washington.

Republicans didn’t believe their own polls, so they never saw the hard truth. When positive job numbers came ahead of the election, they refused to believe… said the numbers were just plain wrong... an Obama conspiracy.

When economic think tanks tallied up Romney’s economic plan and declared that it would add to the deficit, republicans screamed ‘liars’ and refused to believe. They saw the ‘facts’ and acted just like Montezuma.

Advantage democrats.

Marketing 101: Build consumers’ belief and you initiate sales. Share a vision rather than a fact, and the number of your followers will grow. Appeal to the heart rather than the head and you’re almost always on the right track, unless you’re selling commodities like Drano. Yes, ‘Drano clears clogged drains 5 times faster than the competition’ is a great fact-based ad that works in that arena. ‘The new Dell is 5 times faster than the MacBook Pro,’ is a stone cold loser.

And look how quickly an emotional ad can change the marketing landscape.

Case in point: the Samsung’s Galaxy III. One ad, the nerds standing in line for the latest iPhone, has shoved Apple from the top of the heap. That one little ad did what hasn’t been done in almost a decade.

Sure, there’s a few facts sprinkled in (larger screen size, tap to send files) but the real message is that the Galaxy is way cooler; and Samsung treats you like an adult and not a child standing in line to get the newest Beanie Baby at Toys R’ Us. Only a few diehard nerds and old people (mom and dad in the ad) think that standing in line for hours to get a smartphone is somehow cool or sensible.

Apple took its customers and their loyalty for granted… Apple execs didn’t understand the shift in consumer perspective because they didn’t believe they could ever be overtaken… just as republicans didn’t get the new demographics and Montezuma saw nothing but clear sailing.

‘I’ll see it when I believe it’… no truer marketing words have ever been spoken.

(PS: Allow me to gripe for a minute. Whomever created the Samsung ad should have been paid in stock options. How much is that ad worth? Hundreds of millions at a minimum. Yet, why do I think the agency charged $1 million or so and Samsung bean counters kicked up a fuss. If the ad’s creators were paid $50 million it wasn’t enough!)

New Wave Marketing 101: Fixing Direct Response

Direct response ads have lost whatever credibility they had mostly because of the products themselves… cheaply made and basically ineffective, then tied to the standard DRTV format that screams rip off. 

Add generally poor service… slow shipping, bad return policy, tricky automatic renewals, etc. and you've destroyed any trust between vendor and consumer. 

Here's how to fix DR:

1. Sell better products 
2. Make sure what you say in the ad copy matches what’s said about the product online (to the best of your ability)… better products should make this easier  
3. Spend some money on social media to defend your products, for goodness sakes 
4. Change the tired DRTV format, for example:
    

• Give the actual price upfront 
• Forget BUT WAIT and triple your order tricks  
• Give a full guarantee, shipping and all  
• Avoid the tired Guthy Renker model (or should I say “trusted Guthy Renker”)... look, they’ve made a lot of money at it, good for them, but GR has burned out the format here in the U.S. which is why their sales are increasingly coming from other countries 
• Avoid automatic renewal – the #1 reason why most consumers will not buy and do not trust you
   

Any takers? Probably not. DR has matured into a derivative ad form for a me-too industry built by so-called 'entrepreneurs' who are mostly cowboys.

Facebook’s New Ad: Why 99% of Companies and Agencies Would Have Said ‘NO’

If you haven’t yet seen Facebook’s ad ‘about’ its one billionth user you should. Pure genius. (Go to http://bit.ly/PZPh3d)

Once you’ve seen it, ask yourself these questions: Would your company have gone with such an approach? Would your agency have suggested the idea? Would any of your clients have accepted such an ad?

I’m cynical for sure, but I guess that 99% of the time the answers would be NO, NO, NO.

How can you have an ad that doesn’t mention the one billion mark? Doesn’t say how great Facebook is?

The new ad is 100% emotional… no mention of Facebook’s server power or its world class customer service. There’s no mention of a breakthrough technology… no pictures of Zuckerberg saying, “we care.”

The message is not about FB at all, so it’s even more powerfully about FB. (Please revisit an earlier post “If I Say I’m Cool… I’m Not Cool” http://bit.ly/PZQffM)

Yet… 99% of agencies and clients would have passed on the ad, preferring, instead, some sort of derivative piece with messaging like this: strong, forceful, macho… you get it… dig me.

THEME: One Billion People Can’t Be Wrong

VOICEOVER: When we started Facebook, we knew it was a communications breakthrough … but even we didn’t envision that it would revolutionize the way people get connected and stay connected.

Today, we’re one billion strong… and let’s face it, that many people can’t be wrong.

From Timbuktu to Toronto, Beijing to Boston, San Francisco to Sydney, our growing infrastructure brings friends together, lets us share our feelings and makes any business instantly international.

Join the Facebook family album and find out what you’ve been missing.

The world is waiting to hear from you… don’t be left out.

There it is – the ‘perfect’ ad for the 99%. It’s strong. It tells the world who we are.  It brings a little fear to the consumer. And this ad will pass muster with the Board, the CEO, the SEO guys. Lots of keywords (Facebook, communications, connected, breakthrough, billion, users, international, business) and text chunks we can tweet, too.

Before anyone suggests that the new ‘humble’ ad is OK for Facebook but not for other companies, let me remind you: FB is no longer the darling it once was. Check the stock price. It is beginning to look old, feel old. Billions of users or not, the bloom is off the rose. After seeing the new ad, I had a feeling that FB was somehow ‘redefined.’ I was reminded of what I loved about it years ago. (I use it less these days because it seems too business-oriented and thus kinda cold.) This ad made me think about what FB was once and could be again.

Simply put – as direct response this ad works because people like me, and I am everyman, will be moved to start thinking about FB again… start using FB more frequently and with renewed enthusiasm. More numbers=more sales=more money for FB and that’s the bottom line for any marketing piece.

Still, I can hear the marketing department's reservations: “Shouldn’t we at least mention one billion in the headline?"

(At this moment I finally understand why my wife won't let me have a gun in the house.) 

New Wave Marketing 101: Stop Whinging and Sell Something!

I was getting ready to post about a recent conversation with a potential client: a B-list reality star who wants her own cosmetic brand.

But why moan about the same old story?

It’s the nature of the business to speak with people who KNOW all there is to KNOW about marketing even though they have never marketed a thing. This inane conversation (where the ultimate price point she wanted minus the 55% discount to distributors, minus formula costs, production, airless pump and ‘glamorous’ packaging left a whopping $9 gross without a cent spent for marketing) followed an earlier one in which a client didn’t need help identifying social media opportunities or developing an online persona because, “I went to a seminar last month.”

Wow! Three whole hours of marketing wisdom.

I'll just move on and keep my chin up… while being ever more convinced that if we marketers are good at what we do, we should sell our own products so we finally have complete control, on one hand, and no more excuses (as the existentialists say) on the other.

Our success will prove the validity of our creativity and strategy and become a model/template for those rare clients who recognize what they’re good at and where they need help.

God bless ‘em. Now get out there, get your hands dirty, pony up your time and money, and sell something.

Marketing Veterans Don’t Get It: I’m 100% Certain

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I ran across a blog/article written by some older guy (I’m of the approximate same age so I can say that with no disrespect) that demonstrates why so many marketing ‘veterans’ just don’t get it.

He’s on about eliminating weak words in marketing pieces… like ‘I think” or “We believe” or “Perhaps,” etc.

He wants us to replace conditional words with meaningful ones. “Be forceful… Use assertive language… As (someone) attempting to persuade an audience, your job is to provide them with as much certainty as you can. The way to get from doubt to certainty is to switch from the conditional to the declarative mood by eliminating the offending words.”

[Note: Your job is not to provide certainty. It's impossible.]

That’s writing 101 – I should know because I taught Comp & Rhetoric 101 at an Atlanta college for more than a decade. And yes, in student essays and some academic dissertations you want to eliminate (most) conditional phrases.

But ‘Mr. So-Last-Century' is big time wrong when it comes to advertising and marketing to today’s well-informed and sceptical consumers.

Here’s part of my response to the gentleman:

"Perhaps writing has more rules and exceptions than any other human activity."

That's my opening sentence and I stand by it. If I remove 'Perhaps,' what seems an equivocation to you, the sentence is weaker, not stronger... at least from an advertising/marketing perspective. The tone has changed from friendly and open-minded to dogmatic. Who am I to say definitively what rules writing has or does not have? If writing/marketing is about opening a conversation, and it is, the use of absolutes is often wrong. Absolutes stop discussion rather than encourage dialog.

I understand the ideological tenets from whence the old writer comes: show strength, say you're the best, be definitive… all of the old direct response rules right out of New York City circa 1960 or Sham-Wow. What goes unsaid is an inherent belief that  "people are ignorant sheep and need to be told what to do." That's the mantra of all the old school writers I've ever known (and I’ve known a few).

Look, physicians can't agree on the value of aspirin; yet this guy wants you to stand up and speak in absolutes: "Joe’s Widgets are the best ever, the only ones that really work; we are the #1 company for innovative, world class customer care; next year will be a record breaker for Joe's Widgets."

I don't believe any of it. And I don't like Joe... don't trust him as far as I can throw him.

Alternatively, "Our widgets can be found in many of the world’s most sophisticated designs. Next year could be a record breaker with a bit of luck, some hard work and the support of our customers" sounds truer to me and shows Joe is a reasonable, professional fellow with the same hopes and concerns and work ethic we all have.

I like that Joe. I trust him.

The earlier tell-me-what-to-do Joe seems shallow, as if he has no respect for me and, quite frankly, he seems to be just one more narcissistic prat with whom I don’t want to do business.

Pride is one thing; macho, egotistical advertising/PR is another.

Hercule Poirot had a great line: “A doctor who is 100% certain is an assassin.”

The same idea applies to old school marketers. Their blowhard ads are so ‘sure’ of the truth and so convinced that consumers can’t or won’t verify the facts, they’re murdering your campaign and, what’s worse, killing your relationship with customers… dead!

Cosmeceuticals Vs. Tennis Racquets? Who’s Selling Snake Oil?

When it comes to snake oil, I think the people at Head tennis racquets have taken the cake. Even the most egregious direct response male performance product has nothing on these guys. And note… I am a tennis player, I love getting a new racquet and I want to believe.

Here’s the line for Head’s Youtek Mojo Racquet: “d3o Technology senses your needs during different strokes.” Honest to God, that’s how it’s written.

Let me understand: this inanimate object with no electronic sensors and no ability to change shape or density actually senses my needs during play? C’mon, this is snake oil beyond snake oil.

Let a cosmeceutical company claim its anti-wrinkle cream “senses your needs with new d3o Penetrating Epidermal Technology” and the FDA and FTC would start to twitch.

So, as I’m about to hit a drop shot I guess the racket senses this and what? Reduces string tension so I hit a softer shot? Maybe the racquet changes its balance point and goes from handle heavy to head heavy in an instant to put more weight behind the shot? And if I’m trapped in the corner and have to hit a passing shot, I guess the Youtek Mojo grows in size so I get more hitting area. Wow!

In another part of the ad, it says that d3o Technology “…makes passing shots harder and drop shots more precise.” Again, WOW!

Those of us in nutraceuticals and cosmeceuticals are frequently if not constantly accused of selling snake oil. Part of the reputation has been ‘earned’ by spurious marketers hawking Blue Stuff and male enhancement cures and anti-wrinkle breakthroughs; but much of the reputation is unfair. All marketers, from Rolls Royce to the American Cancer Society, make claims that they are new, different, better. That’s the essence of the art.

Part of our outrage at advertising seems to be that we consumers will accept claims for products we like while laughing at those made for things we don’t need or use. Women like cosmetics; men think the ads are stupid: “Who in the world would believe that?” Turn the tables, however, and most women think that ads for the latest 5 terabyte cloud computing breakthrough are nonsense.

Even though I am a tennis fanatic, the Head people have set a new standard. This goes way beyond the people who advertised a cream that helps erase ‘ear wrinkles.’ Suddenly, that claim seems fine to me when compared to a morphing tennis racquet.

Here’s a thought. Instead of the Youtek Mojo, call it the Youtek Mr. Mojo Risin’ and claim the racquet makes you look like Jim Morrison (pre-junkie phase) as you gracefully run to make a fantastic shot… long hair glistening in the sun.

 I’d pay for that (and so would my wife)!

New Wave Marketing 101: Dear Mr. Ogilvy... Where's the Enthusiasm?

If you read Ogilvy's book on advertising (and you should), you might remember his original ad seeking creative directors, which he called Trumpeter Swans.

Ogilvy was looking for personal genius, he said, and inspiring leadership. I like the imagery -- marketers as trumpeter swans: they want to stand out, and as I interpret it, they are enthusiastically creative and not afraid to flaunt it.

So, where are these swans? I sit in meeting after meeting with marketers, designers, B2B and B2C marketing managers,  CEOs, web guys, the lot, and it's like spending an afternoon in the morgue: no excitement, no buzz, nothing. It's as if these men and women are going to the gallows later in the day.

Marketing is 90% enthusiasm about your product, your service, your company. This excitement is essentially what we impart through ads and pr, etc. Passion goes a long, long way in marketing and in life. Why then is it in such short supply these days?

Marketing is meant to be creative, thought provoking and entertaining. How can it be any of these things when both clients and agency types are so low key, so ho hum, so boring?

If you don't have enthusiasm for what you do, stop doing it and try something else.

If I'm a company looking for an agency, I want to see three things: intelligence, creativity and enthusiasm. Two out of three ain't good enough. All three or nothing. 

From the agency side, I want to see the same traits in potential clients. Those who come to us with no excitement or enthusiasm, dragging their feet to the meetings, acting as if they're being forced to market and with no passion in their product offering or company... well, these clients will fail no matter what we do or try to do for them. Why get started and, as an agency, why get tarred by the brush of boredom these clients will surely bring? 

Two rules about marketing that have not changed since day one: frequency works no matter how mediocre the marketing; and, enthusiasm is the most important ingredient to a successful campaign or ad. 

OK, here's the third: start with a quality product or a superior service... quality breeds enthusiasm.

New Wave Marketing 101: Bring All You Have and All You Are to the Table

I believe that marketing, like writing, is an activity that requires you to bring all you are, all that you have to the table. That’s what I love about both.

This is a difficult idea to get across quickly but I’ll give it a shot.

If I say to a varied group of students in a basic writing class, “Write a few paragraphs describing your favorite person,” I might expect to get a very different essay from, say, a 20-year-old single woman born and raised in Georgia and a 55-year-old-married man from Liberia. (I did have these two students in one of my classes at Georgia Perimeter College.)

That makes sense, right? Two vastly different people should produce two very different essays.

It doesn't work that way.

As an adjunct professor for 12 years I can tell you that the stories will be amazingly and disappointingly similar and trite. “My favorite person is my wife (boyfriend). She (he) is always there for me and loves me for who I am.”

The problem? These two students didn’t bring all they are to the job. There’s no ethnic, cultural or personal detail... nothing about family or city of birth or life experience. Instead, they turned in what was expected, what they heard on TV last night, what they’ve written in other classes.

It takes courage to bring all you are to the table because if an instructor (or client) critiques the essay (or advertisement), he or she seems to be criticizing you at a deep, personal level. Plus, most people wrongly believe that their lives are uninteresting and unimportant. So why would you write about the details?

Same for products and brands.

I have worked with dozens of companies and hundreds of marketing people (oops, ‘executives’). When I suggest that they say something unique about a product, they reject the idea. Out of fear, I suppose… but also out of the same false belief as my example students: our stuff is not really that new or that interesting. And what if someone criticizes us… says we’re not what we claim we are… how will we defend ourselves?

I am from Pittsburgh. A lower middle class ethnic neighborhood of Italians and Lebanese. I spent eight years in college studying American Culture and 20 years as a musician, 10 of those years on the road. I love Pittsburgh sports teams, read a lot of literature and try to understand quantum physics. When I get angry I curse enough to make a sailor blush. Through my teen years the daily greeting among friends wasn't "Hi, how are you?", it was 'What the f, mother f?' (You can’t make this stuff up.)

So guess what? I’m an aggressive marketer. I sometimes ‘hate’ the f—ing competition… I love assertive direct response, but after reading great literature the copy/story has to be logical and a bit sophisticated. More often than not, I’ll use a literary style and even break into the poetic (because I’ve studied a lot of Modernists like Eliot and Pound). And it will all be framed in a perverse sense of gallows humor that comes from spending 10 years 24/7 with cynical musicians. I can cut like a knife if provoked.

That’s what I bring to the table with every ad, every marketing piece, everytime. It’s unavoidable for me... as it should be for you.

Look, your style won’t be applicable for every job… there are some marketing tasks you just won't do well… and your style should never overpower the product. But you should be able to see yourself in the work… in the insights you bring and the stories you tell… stories that come from your unique combination of upbringing, schooling and life experiences. Otherwise, you’re just like every other schmuck who loves his significant other because he or she is “there for you.”

[If you can’t bring everything you are to the table, try B2B. It takes very little to write copy or develop a campaign that basically says, “We’re pretty good, just like our competitors.”]

Think Don Draper. He killed his superior officer by accidentally setting him on fire. Later, when asked to come up with a tag line for a tobacco  company, Don offered: ‘Lucky Strike… It’s Toasted’. (Don’t tell me Mad Men isn’t the funniest show on TV.)

The Prufrockian question that all marketers must ask is this: “Do I dare disturb the universe?” 

F-ing right you dare. Go Steelers.

New Wave Marketing 101: Why Are Outrageous Claims and Markups OK for L’Oreal and Dior but Not Direct Response?

Think about this for a minute. Is there really a difference between DRTV spots and the way international cosmetics brands are marketed? Same outrageous claims, same 10X - 40X pricing structure.

Cosmetics from iconic brands like L’Oreal or Dior or Olay aren’t really any better than OxyClean, are they? Imagine selling an anti-wrinkle cream that costs $5 in the tube for $135.00. I did that, I’ll admit it; and cosmetics companies do it everyday of the week. But at least they market with some style, panache, compelling story, exquisite packaging and first rate service. That must count for something.

At the risk of being crude, at least they kiss you before they…

I’m conflicted. If Estee Lauder and Clinique can sell miracle face creams for 10X to 40X cost, why can’t I sell a miracle salad spinner via DRTV or a breakthrough meatloaf pan, for that matter, without looking cheap and sleazy and having the FTC breathing down my neck?

It's the sleazy history of DR, I think.

Here’s a test. How many cosmetics have you used or purchased (men and women) that actually met your expectations? I can think of a few right off the bat:

• Original Rachel Perry — great stuff
• The yellow Clinique moisturizer in the glass bottle
• Shaving cream from Wild Oats— Kiss My Face
• Queen Helene mask — from the 1930s, I swear
• St. Ives apricot seed scrub — not as good as the original, but still good
• Idebinol — great face cream, unfortunately no longer sold

The list goes on and on.

Now, how many DR products have you tried that worked as promised?

• Paint roller – terrible, still finding drops on the floor
• Magic Bullet – not too bad, really
• Proactiv (for my teenage children) – no better than a $3 tube of benzoyl peroxide
• Orthotics – waste of time
• Scratch remover for the car – stupid purchase on my part
• Hercules Hooks – sorry, Billy
• Swivel Sweeper – worthless
• Knives from anyone – I have no need to cut a Coke can in half

See a pattern? DR loses credibility because of the products themselves… cheaply made and basically ineffective, then tied to the standard DRTV format that screams rip off. Add generally poor service… slow shipping, bad return policy, tricky automatic renewals, etc. and you've destroyed any trust between vendor and consumer.

How’s this for a solution… a way out of the DR decline?

• Sell better products
• Make sure what you say in the ad copy matches what’s said about the product online (to the best of your ability)… better products should make this easier… and spend some money on social media to defend your products, for goodness sakes
• Change the tired DRTV format, for example:

1. Give the actual price upfront
2. Forget BUT WAIT and triple your order tricks
3. Give a full guarantee, shipping and all
4. Avoid the tired Guthy Renker model (or should I say “trusted Guthy Renker”?). Look, they’ve made a lot of money at it, good for them, but GR has burned out the format here in the U.S. (which is why their sales are increasingly coming from other countries)
5. Avoid automatic renewal – the #1 reason why most consumers will not buy anything DR

Any takers?

New Wave Marketing 101: The Fallacy of Making It Local

I helped write an ad that created the largest, most successful, single SKU in the cosmetics industry (2004 - 2007). Eventually, the print ad ran in, I think, 40 countries.

Here’s the story:

The ad remained essentially the same for six years, and ran unchanged in dozens of countries, even though ‘experts’ in each would insist that we had to alter the ad to fit the market. We refused to change a thing and had to fight almost daily with company directors and designers and marketers who insisted the ad had to be localized. Our stand: we want a literal translation, changing only those very few phrases that might not translate correctly.

The result? The product became the #1 skin care cream in several countries, including France. And if you  know the French, they were the most adamant that the ad had to be completely rewritten because the French market is different… more sophisticated, needs a more glamorous looking ad… the usual BS.

The marketing ‘experts’ at the company that sold the product in France (with huge banners on the Champs Elysees that used our original text) still won’t admit they were wrong. I guarantee that if you were to send them an American-style ad, they would DEMAND that it be changed to meet the French market. Old, stupid habits die hard!

Granted, some products are country or area specific. (For example, facial whiteners are more popular in Asia because of the cultural prejudice that lighter colored skin is somehow a sign of class superiority.)

For universal products, however, people are people… women everywhere want to look younger… men want to be virile… computer geeks want things to run faster. Don’t let local company bureaucrats or so-called ‘specialized’ agencies convince you to change a successful ad. It’s their way of making a few bucks from you and grabbing control of YOUR ad.

They win either way: if the ad sells, it was their changes that made it successful; if it fails, it will be your fault for not changing the ad enough!

Stand your ground! Don’t take a good story, a good ad, and ruin it by making it local.

New Wave Marketing 101: Nice Guys… Bad Business Cards… Very Bad Marketers

Marketing is brutal… no doubt about it. Either you can or you can’t… most can’t, everyone thinks they can.

In a past life I made a living as a musician, on the road playing in bars across the country. That’s brutal, too… you play a song and people either applaud or they don’t. There’s no equivocation: the audience likes you or hates you… or worse, ignores you. No way to spin their response.

As someone who makes a living as a marketer, I have come to learn that my almost 10 years on the road have stood me in good stead. An advert works or it doesn’t, and all the slick- talking, self-justification, excuse-making in the world won’t change the result.

So — a little while back I ‘took a meeting’ (I was in LA) with two very nice young men in charge of their father’s fortune. They have an idea to sell a product or two and I’m involved because I know the formulator.

During the meeting, they tell me how special their company is… right, just like everyone else. They’re a family company and they REALLY care (as if other family companies don’t give a damn). In a minute or two, my ADD kicks in and I’m lost in Supertramp's 'Gone Hollywood' ("I'm in a cheap hotel beside a Taco Bell without a hope in hell" how appropriate).

Here’s the kicker: these guys swear to me that “We have some of the best designers and creative people in the country.” This is code for, “We don’t need any help marketing our stuff.”

OK, fair enough. I get up to leave and they give me their business cards. OMG — were these atrocities the work of “the best designers in the country"??? The first card is unreadable… 6-point white text on a soft beige background… Superman and his X-ray vision would have a challenge deciphering the copy. The other gentleman’s card looked like it came from the Microsoft template library: ugly, large black text, no kerning, so the letters looked like a n e y e t e s t placed at an angle the human brain can’t comprehend.

Oh… I see, the best designers in the country, huh?… you don’t need help?… you’re marketing experts?!?

Look — just because you wrote a paper in high school doesn’t make you a writer… just because you know how to open Photoshop and resize a picture doesn’t make you a graphic artist… just because you sold $100,000 worth of product in a market that’s worth $5 BILLION doesn’t make you a marketer… it makes you a poser (a great British term).
  

In a moment of epiphany, I realized what the best thing was about being a musician! It’s the ability to shut up amateurs.

At just about every gig, some guy would come up and say, “I play saxophone, too.” My response? “Here’s my horn, play it… let’s hear what you’ve got.”

No one ever took me up on the offer.

I wish I could do the same when a couple of well-meaning but ill-informed guys with ugly business cards tell me they know how to market.

Really?

Marketing 101: The Art of Conversation circa 44 BC

I keep talking about how marketing has changed and is changing. Fair enough. Maybe it's time to take a look at what doesn't change.

Case in point: conversation.

All marketing is or should be conversation -- ways to encourage it, make it more relevant and more comfortable for those engaged (your customers). There are rules, a kind of etiquette, that most follow and expect others to do the same. Over the years, however, marketing has tended to ignore those rules; for example, ads shout at you, dominate the conversation and don't let you get a word in edgewise... a bit like talk radio or your ex-wife and/or know-it-all husband.

Here's the interesting part. The rules of conversational etiquette are universal; they cut across cultural boundaries and have been in play for centuries. Centuries? Is that true?

Yes... have a look at Cicero's rules for pleasant conversation, written in 44 BC. Still as fresh as a newly-opened bottle of 30-year-old single malt and perhaps more relevant than ever in this age that allows for millions of conversations per second worldwide.

Marketers -- pay attention, these rules apply to you all the more, as the conversation you're trying to start is often with a consumer who does not trust or know you.

Cicero's Rules for Good Conversation

• speak clearly
• speak easily, but not too much, give others their turn
• do not interrupt
• be courteous
• deal seriously with serious matters, gracefully with lighter ones
• never criticize people behind their backs
• stick to subjects of general interests
• do not talk about yourself
• never lose your temper
  

There's Research, Then There's RESEARCH

In a former life I made a living doing research… at the library and with a 2400-baud modem, pre-Internet. (I've written this bit before.)

All these years later and somewhat ironically, I am not a big believer in research when it comes to marketing and advertising (particularly things like consumer focus groups, surveys and the like).

OK, so now I’ve made myself a pariah to a lot of agencies that love to do consumer research on their clients' behalf for the money it brings in and the time it takes, which allows agencies to talk and meet and talk some more about potential strategies without ever implementing a plan.

Why the wait? Once implemented, there’s a chance of failure: the longer you can stall before you place your bet, the longer you can sit at the table and pretend to be a player.

I'm from a direct response background... there's no pretending... trust your instincts, take a stand, move forward, adjust to circumstances... and leave most research to the posers! 

BUT THEN AGAIN...

There is a lot of very clever research going on, particularly among big box stores where there's fierce competition between Wal-Mart and Target and Costco and Sam's Club and... well, the list goes on and on.

You'll love this bit or research -- I did. Listening to the radio (NPR) and an interview with the author of The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business  a guy by the name of Charles Duhigg.

The interview was excellent and makes me want to buy the book. For example, did you know that Febreeze was a failure until P&G made one change. Get the book to find out what that was -- it has to do with people's habits (of course). And the point was that had P&G actually asked consumers, they would not have told the 'truth' because they don't recognize their own habits.

But here's the research bit. It seems that Target can accurately predict not only if a woman is pregnant but also her due date within two weeks! And they can do this oftentimes before the woman herself knows she's with child.

What? How?

It seems that some smart cookie at Target noticed how a woman's buying habits change when she's pregnant, before the woman knows she's with child. The giveaway? When a woman of child-bearing years (of course) begins to buy unscented body lotions and creams, there's a good chance she's pregnant! Then, when she starts buying Q-tips and cotton balls, Target knows roughly how far along she is and voila they have a due date. Then the coupons start rolling in, appropriate to the trimester.

That's either brilliant or they're all going to one of Dante's special levels of hell.

It seems there's research... then there's RESEARCH! You gotta love it.

 

 

New Wave Marketing 101: If I Say I'm Cool... I'm Not Cool

These days marketing is all about talking around your product. The usual corporate hype and gibberish you see on every B2B site about 'world class service' and 'innovative breakthrough solutions' just won't do; neither will the B2C hype about how a product will change your life. (Don't you wish changing your life was that easy?)

Two examples of what I mean.

1. An entrepreneurial young man starts an executive dating company and it takes off. So much so that he is invited to speak on "The Today Show,” the stalwart national morning TV program that's watched by millions. He's excited and expects to pick up a lot of business. The result? A few more visitors to the web site, but that's it. Are you kidding? National TV and not one new customer?

Only months later, after his company is mentioned in various blogs related to online dating, does my young friend realize a significant amount of new business. These blogs did not talk about his company directly… they were speaking about the problems of online dating and, ‘oh, by the way, there is a company that supposedly helps executives find dates.' That simple line delivered by someone other than a company spokesperson is all it took.

2. A now best selling author releases his first ‘how to' book and does the usual talk show rounds. The response? Same as above… not much. But… the release of the book is blogged about on a very popular lifestyle site – ‘oh, by the way, has anyone read this book'? – and sales go through the roof. Literally 10,000 copies fly out of Amazon.

You see a pattern, don't you? Cynical consumers do not believe most of what companies and their agencies say about a product. The idea of speaking directly to a possible consumer about your product is seen as ‘sales,' as hype, as one step up from snake oil.

(One very important caveat: if you have the money to run with enough frequency, forget all of the above. Frequency works and it doesn't matter if the creative is good or not. Keep showing the ad and people will eventually get on board – like Goebbels' ‘big lie' theory of propaganda.)

Today, consumers believe something when they get the message in a more round about way… which is the beauty of social media (because it's the engine that powers 'round about' information distribution). When design engineers, for example, are exchanging ideas on LinkedIn about robotics systems, and one of them says, ‘I saw a system today that used Brand X flexible cables', that kind of talking around the product is seen as real, unbiased, truthful and leads to sales.

If you've been reading this blog for the past few months, I know what you're thinking: "You always say that social media allows you to talk directly with customers, now you're saying that companies shouldn't do this?”

No that's not what I'm saying. You can and should talk directly to potential customers, but about things like new technologies, problems and solutions, general industry developments. This seemingly ‘direct' communication is actually a form of talking around your product. But as soon as the discussion turns to, "our product is the result of years of research making the new XB-1000 a world class walnut cruncher,” you've lost the sketch and the customer's attention.

It's tricky… there's a fine line… this is not direct response so new business isn't going to develop overnight. But talking around your product is the only way these days, unless, as I said, you have very deep advertising pockets!

What a tome I've written. So much for less is more.

Let me try to say this simply: If I walk into a party and say "Hi, I'm Nick and I'm very cool,” people hate me. If I walk into the same party an hour after two women were talking about how interesting Nick is, well… I'm golden.

Please, stop playing devil’s advocate… contribute something!!!!

The multiple exclamations show the frustration… I’ve had it up to here with people whose idea of intelligence is shooting holes in potentially creative solutions. It is amazing: we’ve developed an entire work culture based on playing devil’s advocate… people make a living doing so, mostly on politically-oriented television news shows – and come to think of it, maybe the constant drone of democratic and republican apologists all predicting dire consequences if we say ‘yes’ to expanded healthcare or a balanced budget, whatever, is the impetus behind the idiotic belief that criticism equals intelligence.

First, let’s be clear on how this all works: the devil’s advocate will immediately jump to some worst-case scenario in the attempt to show how logical, how forward thinking, how smart s/he is. Using this spurious tactic, anything… ANYTHING… can be turned into a potential disaster.

“Let’s all go to church on Sunday,” I say.

“No, what if there’s a freak snow storm, who will clean the roads… what if the power goes off in all the churches, we’ll all be in the dark, what about parking, what about parking!!!!!!!”

Now let’s all pat ourselves on the back for being so prescient, so insightful. Aren’t we smart.

My experience: almost 100% of the time, the devil’s advocate is using improbable what-if scenarios to stop change, to stop what’s new, to stop what s/he is afraid of (or just too lazy to embrace).

OK, so what should we do instead? Their preferred answer is “nothing.”

Here’s what I’m doing about it. In any meeting where ideas, new marketing concepts, new ways to improve how a company works are being discussed, I make it clear that we cannot criticize without offering an alternative solution.

“I don’t like the idea of everyone going to church at the same time, perhaps we can stagger participation, or offer online services to keep the buildings from becoming too crowded.” OK, I’ll give you that; at least you’ve shown some intelligence, you’ve moved the ball forward, so to speak. Good on you!

Those who play devil’s advocate should be avoided and, because I am vindictive, they should be shunned.

Don’t ask these people to come to meetings until they have something to offer and never ask their opinion on anything creative… and stop, I repeat, stop trying to convince them that your solution is viable, they don’t want to hear it (and they secretly love being courted, as if their approval is worth something).

Devil’s advocates are fearful, lazy little snipes who fight to maintain the status quo with a constant barrage of no, what if this happens, no, no, no, no, no, no……………

Learn a lesson: criticism from devil’s advocates equals fear, not intelligence! They are anchors not balloons.

The Academy Awards and Marketing? Tired, Dull and Irrelevant

The fallout from the 2012 Oscars was as predictable as the evening itself: “it’s nothing new, boring, too long, no excitement,” etc.: a universal ho-hum.

If anything, the show was a sad lesson about being old and extraneous while all the time screaming “I’m Relevant, I’m Still Important.” No, you’re not, particularly to anyone under 40.

So how did this once beloved extravaganza go from the event of the year to just another TV show on a Sunday night? Movies are just as popular as ever, maybe moreso, then it’s not that the potential audience is shrinking.

The answer is very simple. And these points explain why marketing and advertising have turned into one giant yawn (need I remind you of the me-too Superbowl ads?).... art forms that once mattered and now are barely hanging on.

1. The original raison d'etre of the Oscars is no longer tenable. The event was started as a PR stunt to push Hollywood ‘stars’ at a time when people could only see their favorite actors in the theater and knew little of their personal lives. So the Oscars were a chance to see how Carol Lombard looked on the arm of Clark Gable… in a sense, fans had this one time each year to see their favorite stars as ‘human.’

Today we are surrounded by a 24/7 celebrity culture. C’mon, I know what kind of underwear these people like, that Brad and Angelina had a fight last night, that the dog from “The Artist” likes Kibbles and Bits not Purina Dog Chow. Point is, we don’t need this event to get an ‘inside’ look. We have more info than we need – there are no surprises on the red carpet and even fewer in the results.

(Same with marketing. We still try to entice consumers with marketing and ads the ‘reveal’ what people already know. The average man or woman understands more about our products and companies than many of our employees. That’s why ads that tell us what we already know are ho-hum. [And particularly B2B where no company wants to reveal its 'secrets' – even though a 5-year-old can find them on the Net.] BMW is still the ultimate driving machine after 40 years and I’m supposed to be surprised by that when I see it in an ad? With the Oscars as with marketing, TELL ME OR SHOW ME SOMETHING I DON’T KNOW. Otherwise I’m bored and you’re dull and irrelevant.)

2. In the same vein, the primordial belief that underpins the Oscars is that Hollywood is the center of the movie making world. It was in 1935, it ain’t now. Yet the show continues to play up the Hollywood mystique even though movies are global – in fact, movies may be the most global product in the world. Sure, the show tips its hat to ‘foreign language’ films (and in today’s world these movies aren’t any more foreign to me than an Adam Sandler comedy that I don’t get). The basic nature of the industry has changed, yet the Academy refuses to budge from its Hollywood-centric approach. So they perpetuate an idea that’s been dead for decades and wonder why consumers are bored.

Again, same with marketing. Kellogg continues pushing cereal as a healthy breakfast alternative (at least they had the intelligence to say “part of a healthy breakfast” although which part I still don’t know: the high carb, high sugar part, I guess). We live in an age that treats carbs like poison and sugar like crack. “No, it’s still 1920 and Americans want and need cereal.” Sure, in the same way that Americans still like to fry with lard (which was the #1 way to fry until the 1960s).

Now take a look at what Bayer did for aspirin. That little white pill went from pain relief to heart attack prevention – brilliant and had to be done once the world recognized that ibuprofen and other NSAIDs were better for pain. Credit Bayer with not sticking with its olde worlde message and having the sense to see that the premise of the product had changed. So that makes one company out of a million that gets it.

OK, so what’s the Academy supposed to do? What are marketers supposed to do? Begin by challenging the basic premise of your product. Is it still applicable? If not, have the courage to create a new, true story and be willing to tell it in a new way. How silly is it to be advertising “ironing boards for that wrinkle free look” when our clothes don’t require ironing? Sounds stupidly simple – then why don’t most companies get it? It's probably because no one can ever see himself or herself as irrelevant. (C'mon, in the last 20 years how many countries have disappeared? Czechoslovakia, Yugoslavia, the USSR, to name a few. If countries can disappear so can the need for your product.)

My advice to the Academy: Since movies are universal why not hold the event in a different international city each year? Let the locals add their culture and flair to the evening in the same way that Olympic opening ceremonies are unique to the host country. That would NOT be boring! It would also demonstrate the global reach of movies and, in many ways, make Hollywood look grander, more universal and more important than it is.

Or keep doing the same old show, produced by the same five people every year… and wonder why we're turning off and dropping out of the Oscars. (Do the same old ads with the same old agency and the same old look and wonder why the new kid of the block is taking market share… same difference.)

One more thing. The best, truest statement of the night came from Billy Crystal when he said (I paraphrase)… “what better way for the average American to feel good about their sinking economic status than to watch millionaires give each other golden statues.”

In the 1930s, out-of-work or under-employed Americans held no grudge against the rich; today we do (and it’s warranted, IMHO). Maybe the Academy should openly recognize this change and offer to close the financial disparity by funding education programs to help people get into movie making or just sponsor a soup kitchen on Hollywood Blvd – something, for God’s sake, to show you’re aware.

Finally, it’s ironic that this year’s Best Film is a tribute to what old Hollywood used to do right and no longer does... a time when Hollywood mattered. It's the equivalent of Best Album of the year being a remixed version of “Abbey Road.”

Marketers… Listen to Obama for Once… This Is Serious

We live in a 21st century economy, but we’ve still got a government organized for the 20th century. Our economy has fundamentally changed — as has the world — but our government, our agencies, have not. The needs of our citizens have fundamentally changed but their government has not. Instead, it’s often grown more complicated and sometimes more confusing.

The above is from President Obama’s January 13, 2012 speech on streamlining government. Forget your political leanings, this isn’t about the President or either political party… it’s about marketing. And this is serious.

Replace ‘government’ with ‘marketing’, ‘citizens’ with ‘consumers’ and you’ll see what I mean. I’ll save you the trouble.

We live in a 21st century economy, but we’ve still (have) marketing for the 20th century. Our economy has fundamentally changed — as has the world — but our marketing, our agencies, have not. The needs of consumers have fundamentally changed but marketing has not. Instead, it’s often grown more complicated and sometimes more confusing.

It’s no coincidence that the so-called “American Century” seems to have run out of steam just a decade into the 21^st century. When you refuse to recognize new realities, you can’t be surprised when things fall apart. You’ve lost touch – be it from stupidity or laziness or hubris.

For all marketers everywhere – BUT PARTICULARLY B2B – we are irrelevant… we have become lazy and uncreative… we are afraid to try anything new… as agencies, we follow the wishes of clients instead of using our own skills and gut feelings… we are easily replaceable because our derivative, me-too ideas can be copied by kids with a computer and a cheap video camera… we are becoming obsolete.

B2B agencies? You’re paid for what? Writing press releases that any college grad can produce? Organizing press visits for magazines that no longer have any clout? Organizing trade shows that are going, going, gone? Doing piss poor social media, grudgingly, slowly, unimaginatively? It takes no skills to do what you do, which is why hourly rates are dropping along with the amount of work you’re getting.

Companies, listen up: hire a 20-year-old English major, pay her (most likely) $30,000 and kiss your agency and its retainer goodbye. You’ll save money and lose nothing because you’ll get the same mediocre marketing that you crave.

(By the way, have you seen the want ads for ‘digital writers’? What’s a digital writer, you ask? That’s a euphemism for a semi-professional word pusher – meaning, “we don’t want to pay for a real writer because he/she is expensive and the work isn’t that creative.” The same goes for digital designers… “Designers? We don’t need no real designers!”)

Simply put, we’ve let marketing become the home of amateurs and we did it by not using our talents, not having the courage of our convictions, depending too much upon numbers and return rates, and producing horrible, confusing, pedantic work.

Read what the President said: we live in a 21^st century economy and it has changed fundamentally, which means it’s changed for good.

If the economy has changed marketing must change, or are you now telling me the two are unrelated?

Copycats and Cowards – Why Most Marketing 'Sucks' These Days

(The survey I allude to, ok, to which I allude (for you grammar freaks), is coming on two years old... and still there are very few executives or marketers exhibiting the two core qualities of great leaders. More's the pity because, "things ain't getting any better... we need leaders more than ever" -- yet another Billy Mays-sounding truism.)

A 2010 IBM study of 1500-plus executives asked CEOs about the qualities most needed to be a great leader. #1 is creativity, defined as “leaders who are comfortable with ambiguity and experimentation.”

If I can summarize, men and women who are not bogged down by endless analysis… they review the data, use their creativity and instincts, then chart a path without waiting for more information, more analysis, more PowerPoint presentations. Their courage to push ahead and their creativity to try some new, perhaps unproven approaches inspires loyalty and devotion and often results in bigger, more profitable successes.

I agree, but where are these guys/gals? Not in B2B or direct response or most ad agencies. I see copycats and cowards.

When is the last time I saw a B2B marketer challenge his or her agency to do something ‘out of the box’ then actually implement the strategy? I worked in B2B from 1984 to 2002 and now back in 2011. I’ve seen zero.

How about agencies willing to tell the truth to B2B clients rather than saying, “If that’s what you want, we’ll do it”?

Direct response advertisers/marketers willing to break the Gunthy-Renker mold… willing to try something new, without the BUT WAIT or the NOT 1 FOR $30, NOT 2 FOR $30, BUT 3 FOR $30 IF YOU CALL RIGHT NOW? Zero.

Copycats and cowards rule marketing. I can think of no other industry so derivative. If Popeil rhymed ‘Set it and forget it,’ and Billy Mays rhymed ‘Put the power back in your shower,’ then we need to rhyme, too. It’s a rule.

If Gunthy-Renker uses three calls to action in 10 minutes, then by God we need three!!!!!

B2B is the same. Copycat marketing that seeks to be 10% better than the competition. Not new, not different, just a little bit better… don’t dare stick your neck out and say ‘we’re the best.’

A wise man once said, “People want what’s new and what they can’t have… and that’s all they want."

I wrote “Better than Botox” as a headline for a DR ad because no cosmetic cream had dared challenge Allergan. Why not, I figured. It can’t hurt. If I don’t use it, the ad will certainly fail… if I do, it has a chance to succeed. Not rocket science, just Logic 101. The result? Half a billion in sales.

In this day and age, if you’re going to copy, don’t waste your time. If you don’t have the courage to try something new, don’t waste your money. If your product is just the same old, same old, throw in the towel right now before you get embarrassed.

IBM knows what makes a good business leader… creativity #1, integrity #2… traits that also make a good marketer. It’s no secret. Why then are there so few men and women with the courage of these convictions?

Marketing 101: If You Meet Buddha on the Road?

Marketing is full or irony. Or maybe it’s just a Zen activity that lends itself to statements like, “If you meet Buddha on the road, kill him.” That’s a simple Zen puzzle which means, in essence, that if you see something you think to be Buddha, kill it (in your mind) because it is not Buddha (and it is keeping you from realizing the REAL Buddha essence that’s inside you).

OK, enough with the puzzle. Here’s my Zen/Marketing puzzle, ironic statement, of the day:

In anything you do vis a vis marketing and advertising, if the majority of people like the concept then it is not new enough and thus not good enough!

Chew on that for a minute.

The wisdom of this statement flows from several ‘facts’ about consumers, be they B2B or B2C.

1.    Consumers only want what’s new and what’s hard to get, they rarely want anything else.

2.    New, by definition, is something unseen and unexpected... the first iPhone, for example.

3.    Now here’s the irony – while people want new they don’t like new, at least not at first. New is disconcerting by the fact that its not immediately understood.

It should be coming clear: when you present an idea for a marketing strategy or new ad, not everyone will like what’s truly new and different because of statements #2 and #3 above. Eventually they may love the idea, but at first they will not; and to support their dislike, the fear of the unknown, they will criticise and naysay to cover for the lack of insight and courage they are demonstrating. It’s human nature. We all do it more times than we care to admit.

So, any supposedly new concept that everyone likes is, by definition, not new enough… and thus given #1 above, it will fail to capture the consumer’s interest.

As the song says ‘Isn’t It Ironic?’ And I can tell you that from an agency point of view, it gets hard to keep presenting new idea after new idea only to have each shot down, or worse, watered down until everyone in the room likes it.

Again – if everyone likes it, it’s not new enough, not good enough. Have the courage to challenge your customers and your management with something that is truly new. The rewards will be great.

Here’s a true story. Many years ago we did a series of proposed ads for a client with a product that measured the temperature on a circuit board through various stages of a reflow oven to guarantee that necessary levels were met and not exceeded and components weren’t either toasted or ready to drop off.

Our headline (which I still recall almost 20 years later):

It’s board #16, 515 through the oven… how do you know it’s been soldered correctly?

This was the clear winner of the six ads we presented on the day. The guy looks at the ads, tapes them up on the wall and asks about a dozen employees to have a look… including, now get this, the woman who happened to pass by as she was sweeping the floors and dusting the offices. Honest to God!

Needless to say he went with the concept they all agreed was best… we vehemently argued our case, but the client gets what the client wants (and will pay for).

The ad did OK… covered the cost of running it. The superior ad, however, would have pushed sales and the company image off the charts (the technology was first rate and could live up to the claim). The company is still in business, still struggling in the middle of the pack… probably still afraid to kill Buddha unless the cleaning lady gives them the nod.

Have You Ever Been Experienced?

I have – in the conventional sense and, I’ll admit, also in the terms to which Hendrix is referring. Sure, we all agree experience is a good thing; but as in everything else, too much is often a problem.

Here’s my history in a nutshell: 27 years working with words as editor and publisher of international B2B mags and a national consumer magazine with a circ of 450,000. US Director of a two-continent PR agency in B2B. Creative director for consumer/nutraceutical marketing company, helping to create print ads and produce TV ads that have sold more than half a billion in the span of five years. Published literary critic and short story writer. Adjunct professor (fancy name for part-time) teaching comp and rhetoric, American lit and world lit.

As musicians say, I’ve got the chops. (And by the way, I was a professional musician who spent nearly 10 years on the road working six nights a week.)

OK, so I’m experienced; but does that make me the best person to hire for, say, an ad agency or marketing company or magazine publisher?

Not really. In fact, my years of experience with their concomitant successes and failures may make me less of an asset: someone who rests on past accomplishments and has little drive; someone who focuses on how it used to be done not how it can be done; or worse, someone whose past failures (we all have ‘em, they help us grow, etc.) blind him/her to today’s new potentials?

I argue that post-2008 EVERYTHING has changed when it comes to marketing and consumer behavior. Logically, then, maybe all my experience is an anchor not a balloon.

I was reading a cheesy book about creative thinking and the author asked this question: why is it that older, professional golfers, those past 40, can’t win anymore? They can still hit the ball plenty far and are as accurate as younger golfers if not more so. Still, they can’t win… why?

Maybe because experience blinds them to opportunities during the course of a tournament. They can’t win because their past won’t let them conceive of the one shot that clinches the round. Or maybe they can still conceive of the shot but are too afraid to try it.

I’m just saying experience isn’t all it’s cracked up to be… particularly when it comes to this new era of marketing where past is not necessarily prologue… unless, that is, you’ve been able to maintain a young, unclouded perspective with the willingness, energy and curiosity to continue experimenting and learning. Otherwise, all the practical knowledge in the world won’t help you become a better 2012 marketer.

If you’re 50-plus, take a look in the mirror before you moan and groan about today’s inexperienced marketers. Their lack of a track record may be a big reason for the clever successes that leave you scratching your head.

Here endeth the sermon.

(OK, so now I’m thinking about the other ‘experienced.’ That sure was a way to radically shift your perspective and it only took a few hours… but no, I don’t have the courage to give that one more try. Some things are best left to the young.)