New Wave Marketing 101: What's the big idea?

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Recently, I posted what must have seemed like an enigmatic Zen koan: ‘A big idea is always small; an idea that’s too big usually makes a bad story.’

I apologize. I hate things like that… when someone parses his or her words in a way that makes one seem smart, clever and in the know. Pompous narcissists in my book; then I did the same ignorant thing.

Why not just say what I mean? I did want to be concise but mostly this was a ‘dig me’ moment: ain’t I just a deep thinker? Mea culpa.

Let me explain what I was getting at with a very typical example from my college writing class.

But first, here’s a true statement: every paper, speech, PPT presentation must have a ‘big idea,’ a central focus for the narrative.

Think of it this way. If you can recall the 1950s Superman show (George Reeves, poor soul), you’ll remember there’s always a scene in the Chief’s office where Lois says something like, “I want to cover the dock workers’ strike,” and the blustering Perry White inevitably asks, “What’s your angle?”

That’s the big idea.

So, I ask students to write a 5-page paper – which to me seems like an easy task; to them five pages is a brick wall. I tell them to focus on a controversial subject. Check with me first, I warn.

OK. Here are some typical topics they’ll profer:

Civil rights

Abortion

Legalizing drugs

Creationism v. evolution

Equal pay for equal work

How in God’s name can you cover the entire civil rights movement in five pages? Or Dr. King’s Birmingham march or his assassination or his famous Washington speech? You can’t, of course; and if you try the result will be a 1/64 of an inch thick analysis that will be scattered, trite and meaningless. The big idea is too big.

Instead, focus on, say, the mood of your hometown when the news came about Dr. King’s untimely death; how your grandparents reacted; how some were so callous while others in tears. You see? Small but excellent big ideas.

When we write ads or present products we almost always say too much… include too much, try to cram it all in and down the throats of an intimidated or uncaring audience. And by doing so we are having our own ‘dig me’ moment: look how smart I am, I know so much more than you.

So my Zen koan boils down to simply this: when writing any marketing piece, any presentation (and life is a presentation, right?) lower your ambitions and shrink your ego. The results are much more interesting when you dig deeper in a small area. When you have more to say about less you have a very, very BIG IDEA.

New Wave Marketing 101: Dear Mr. Ogilvy... Where's the Enthusiasm?

If you read Ogilvy's book on advertising (and you should), you might remember his original ad seeking creative directors, which he called Trumpeter Swans.

Ogilvy was looking for personal genius, he said, and inspiring leadership. I like the imagery -- marketers as trumpeter swans: they want to stand out, and as I interpret it, they are enthusiastically creative and not afraid to flaunt it.

So, where are these swans? I sit in meeting after meeting with marketers, designers, B2B and B2C marketing managers,  CEOs, web guys, the lot, and it's like spending an afternoon in the morgue: no excitement, no buzz, nothing. It's as if these men and women are going to the gallows later in the day.

Marketing is 90% enthusiasm about your product, your service, your company. This excitement is essentially what we impart through ads and pr, etc. Passion goes a long, long way in marketing and in life. Why then is it in such short supply these days?

Marketing is meant to be creative, thought provoking and entertaining. How can it be any of these things when both clients and agency types are so low key, so ho hum, so boring?

If you don't have enthusiasm for what you do, stop doing it and try something else.

If I'm a company looking for an agency, I want to see three things: intelligence, creativity and enthusiasm. Two out of three ain't good enough. All three or nothing. 

From the agency side, I want to see the same traits in potential clients. Those who come to us with no excitement or enthusiasm, dragging their feet to the meetings, acting as if they're being forced to market and with no passion in their product offering or company... well, these clients will fail no matter what we do or try to do for them. Why get started and, as an agency, why get tarred by the brush of boredom these clients will surely bring? 

Two rules about marketing that have not changed since day one: frequency works no matter how mediocre the marketing; and, enthusiasm is the most important ingredient to a successful campaign or ad. 

OK, here's the third: start with a quality product or a superior service... quality breeds enthusiasm.

New Wave Marketing 101: Why Are Outrageous Claims and Markups OK for L’Oreal and Dior but Not Direct Response?

Think about this for a minute. Is there really a difference between DRTV spots and the way international cosmetics brands are marketed? Same outrageous claims, same 10X - 40X pricing structure.

Cosmetics from iconic brands like L’Oreal or Dior or Olay aren’t really any better than OxyClean, are they? Imagine selling an anti-wrinkle cream that costs $5 in the tube for $135.00. I did that, I’ll admit it; and cosmetics companies do it everyday of the week. But at least they market with some style, panache, compelling story, exquisite packaging and first rate service. That must count for something.

At the risk of being crude, at least they kiss you before they…

I’m conflicted. If Estee Lauder and Clinique can sell miracle face creams for 10X to 40X cost, why can’t I sell a miracle salad spinner via DRTV or a breakthrough meatloaf pan, for that matter, without looking cheap and sleazy and having the FTC breathing down my neck?

It's the sleazy history of DR, I think.

Here’s a test. How many cosmetics have you used or purchased (men and women) that actually met your expectations? I can think of a few right off the bat:

• Original Rachel Perry — great stuff
• The yellow Clinique moisturizer in the glass bottle
• Shaving cream from Wild Oats— Kiss My Face
• Queen Helene mask — from the 1930s, I swear
• St. Ives apricot seed scrub — not as good as the original, but still good
• Idebinol — great face cream, unfortunately no longer sold

The list goes on and on.

Now, how many DR products have you tried that worked as promised?

• Paint roller – terrible, still finding drops on the floor
• Magic Bullet – not too bad, really
• Proactiv (for my teenage children) – no better than a $3 tube of benzoyl peroxide
• Orthotics – waste of time
• Scratch remover for the car – stupid purchase on my part
• Hercules Hooks – sorry, Billy
• Swivel Sweeper – worthless
• Knives from anyone – I have no need to cut a Coke can in half

See a pattern? DR loses credibility because of the products themselves… cheaply made and basically ineffective, then tied to the standard DRTV format that screams rip off. Add generally poor service… slow shipping, bad return policy, tricky automatic renewals, etc. and you've destroyed any trust between vendor and consumer.

How’s this for a solution… a way out of the DR decline?

• Sell better products
• Make sure what you say in the ad copy matches what’s said about the product online (to the best of your ability)… better products should make this easier… and spend some money on social media to defend your products, for goodness sakes
• Change the tired DRTV format, for example:

1. Give the actual price upfront
2. Forget BUT WAIT and triple your order tricks
3. Give a full guarantee, shipping and all
4. Avoid the tired Guthy Renker model (or should I say “trusted Guthy Renker”?). Look, they’ve made a lot of money at it, good for them, but GR has burned out the format here in the U.S. (which is why their sales are increasingly coming from other countries)
5. Avoid automatic renewal – the #1 reason why most consumers will not buy anything DR

Any takers?

New Wave Marketing 101: For Many, Advertising Is Mostly Unnecessary

Let’s say you’re starting a new restaurant in Pittsburgh. In the old days, you’d announce the Grand Opening, try to get some early PR and then advertise in local newspapers, food guides, etc. To get the tourist trade, you might advertise in one of those hotel-room publications, online food guides, Fodder’s online, etc. You might try some local TV spots to build your clientele.

Remembering that only 14% of consumers believe advertising while 78% believe online reviews, I would argue that advertising won’t really work for your restaurant.

Yes, you need the Grand Opening stuff, but past that what good will advertising do?

Restaurants are about word of mouth – and let’s face it, today almost all business is word of mouth. If you’re food (your product or service) is great, people will talk about it. Good food, good products get around much faster than you think… bad food and bad products move just as quickly.

So how do I get people to my restaurant? Serve good food.

What about getting the word out about my place?

Look… when people pull into a new town they inevitably rely on their smartphones. The urbanspoon app, for example, uses your location to search, say, ‘Italian’ restaurants… I don’t even need to know the name of your place to find it. Then, of course, people read the reviews. That’s how the choice is made these days. If you were to drop a bundle on advertising but the online reviews are bad, you’ve wasted money that could have been spent making the product better.

Recently, my son moved to NYC. He goes online and searches ‘best brunch in New York’. Finds a listing, checks the reviews and ends up in Chelsea having one of the better meals of his life – which is saying something as he’s lived in LA for years and has travelled extensively overseas.

How long did this process take? Less than five minutes.

What about advertising? He never looked at any of it.

Bottom line: consumers find you, you don’t find them… and this reversed process makes most advertising (not all) unnecessary for many, many industries. (Note: a bit of local advertising and community PR will help.)

New Wave Marketing 101: The Fallacy of Making It Local

I helped write an ad that created the largest, most successful, single SKU in the cosmetics industry (2004 - 2007). Eventually, the print ad ran in, I think, 40 countries.

Here’s the story:

The ad remained essentially the same for six years, and ran unchanged in dozens of countries, even though ‘experts’ in each would insist that we had to alter the ad to fit the market. We refused to change a thing and had to fight almost daily with company directors and designers and marketers who insisted the ad had to be localized. Our stand: we want a literal translation, changing only those very few phrases that might not translate correctly.

The result? The product became the #1 skin care cream in several countries, including France. And if you  know the French, they were the most adamant that the ad had to be completely rewritten because the French market is different… more sophisticated, needs a more glamorous looking ad… the usual BS.

The marketing ‘experts’ at the company that sold the product in France (with huge banners on the Champs Elysees that used our original text) still won’t admit they were wrong. I guarantee that if you were to send them an American-style ad, they would DEMAND that it be changed to meet the French market. Old, stupid habits die hard!

Granted, some products are country or area specific. (For example, facial whiteners are more popular in Asia because of the cultural prejudice that lighter colored skin is somehow a sign of class superiority.)

For universal products, however, people are people… women everywhere want to look younger… men want to be virile… computer geeks want things to run faster. Don’t let local company bureaucrats or so-called ‘specialized’ agencies convince you to change a successful ad. It’s their way of making a few bucks from you and grabbing control of YOUR ad.

They win either way: if the ad sells, it was their changes that made it successful; if it fails, it will be your fault for not changing the ad enough!

Stand your ground! Don’t take a good story, a good ad, and ruin it by making it local.

New Wave Marketing 101: Nice Guys… Bad Business Cards… Very Bad Marketers

Marketing is brutal… no doubt about it. Either you can or you can’t… most can’t, everyone thinks they can.

In a past life I made a living as a musician, on the road playing in bars across the country. That’s brutal, too… you play a song and people either applaud or they don’t. There’s no equivocation: the audience likes you or hates you… or worse, ignores you. No way to spin their response.

As someone who makes a living as a marketer, I have come to learn that my almost 10 years on the road have stood me in good stead. An advert works or it doesn’t, and all the slick- talking, self-justification, excuse-making in the world won’t change the result.

So — a little while back I ‘took a meeting’ (I was in LA) with two very nice young men in charge of their father’s fortune. They have an idea to sell a product or two and I’m involved because I know the formulator.

During the meeting, they tell me how special their company is… right, just like everyone else. They’re a family company and they REALLY care (as if other family companies don’t give a damn). In a minute or two, my ADD kicks in and I’m lost in Supertramp's 'Gone Hollywood' ("I'm in a cheap hotel beside a Taco Bell without a hope in hell" how appropriate).

Here’s the kicker: these guys swear to me that “We have some of the best designers and creative people in the country.” This is code for, “We don’t need any help marketing our stuff.”

OK, fair enough. I get up to leave and they give me their business cards. OMG — were these atrocities the work of “the best designers in the country"??? The first card is unreadable… 6-point white text on a soft beige background… Superman and his X-ray vision would have a challenge deciphering the copy. The other gentleman’s card looked like it came from the Microsoft template library: ugly, large black text, no kerning, so the letters looked like a n e y e t e s t placed at an angle the human brain can’t comprehend.

Oh… I see, the best designers in the country, huh?… you don’t need help?… you’re marketing experts?!?

Look — just because you wrote a paper in high school doesn’t make you a writer… just because you know how to open Photoshop and resize a picture doesn’t make you a graphic artist… just because you sold $100,000 worth of product in a market that’s worth $5 BILLION doesn’t make you a marketer… it makes you a poser (a great British term).
  

In a moment of epiphany, I realized what the best thing was about being a musician! It’s the ability to shut up amateurs.

At just about every gig, some guy would come up and say, “I play saxophone, too.” My response? “Here’s my horn, play it… let’s hear what you’ve got.”

No one ever took me up on the offer.

I wish I could do the same when a couple of well-meaning but ill-informed guys with ugly business cards tell me they know how to market.

Really?

There's Research, Then There's RESEARCH

In a former life I made a living doing research… at the library and with a 2400-baud modem, pre-Internet. (I've written this bit before.)

All these years later and somewhat ironically, I am not a big believer in research when it comes to marketing and advertising (particularly things like consumer focus groups, surveys and the like).

OK, so now I’ve made myself a pariah to a lot of agencies that love to do consumer research on their clients' behalf for the money it brings in and the time it takes, which allows agencies to talk and meet and talk some more about potential strategies without ever implementing a plan.

Why the wait? Once implemented, there’s a chance of failure: the longer you can stall before you place your bet, the longer you can sit at the table and pretend to be a player.

I'm from a direct response background... there's no pretending... trust your instincts, take a stand, move forward, adjust to circumstances... and leave most research to the posers! 

BUT THEN AGAIN...

There is a lot of very clever research going on, particularly among big box stores where there's fierce competition between Wal-Mart and Target and Costco and Sam's Club and... well, the list goes on and on.

You'll love this bit or research -- I did. Listening to the radio (NPR) and an interview with the author of The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business  a guy by the name of Charles Duhigg.

The interview was excellent and makes me want to buy the book. For example, did you know that Febreeze was a failure until P&G made one change. Get the book to find out what that was -- it has to do with people's habits (of course). And the point was that had P&G actually asked consumers, they would not have told the 'truth' because they don't recognize their own habits.

But here's the research bit. It seems that Target can accurately predict not only if a woman is pregnant but also her due date within two weeks! And they can do this oftentimes before the woman herself knows she's with child.

What? How?

It seems that some smart cookie at Target noticed how a woman's buying habits change when she's pregnant, before the woman knows she's with child. The giveaway? When a woman of child-bearing years (of course) begins to buy unscented body lotions and creams, there's a good chance she's pregnant! Then, when she starts buying Q-tips and cotton balls, Target knows roughly how far along she is and voila they have a due date. Then the coupons start rolling in, appropriate to the trimester.

That's either brilliant or they're all going to one of Dante's special levels of hell.

It seems there's research... then there's RESEARCH! You gotta love it.

 

 

The Academy Awards and Marketing? Tired, Dull and Irrelevant

The fallout from the 2012 Oscars was as predictable as the evening itself: “it’s nothing new, boring, too long, no excitement,” etc.: a universal ho-hum.

If anything, the show was a sad lesson about being old and extraneous while all the time screaming “I’m Relevant, I’m Still Important.” No, you’re not, particularly to anyone under 40.

So how did this once beloved extravaganza go from the event of the year to just another TV show on a Sunday night? Movies are just as popular as ever, maybe moreso, then it’s not that the potential audience is shrinking.

The answer is very simple. And these points explain why marketing and advertising have turned into one giant yawn (need I remind you of the me-too Superbowl ads?).... art forms that once mattered and now are barely hanging on.

1. The original raison d'etre of the Oscars is no longer tenable. The event was started as a PR stunt to push Hollywood ‘stars’ at a time when people could only see their favorite actors in the theater and knew little of their personal lives. So the Oscars were a chance to see how Carol Lombard looked on the arm of Clark Gable… in a sense, fans had this one time each year to see their favorite stars as ‘human.’

Today we are surrounded by a 24/7 celebrity culture. C’mon, I know what kind of underwear these people like, that Brad and Angelina had a fight last night, that the dog from “The Artist” likes Kibbles and Bits not Purina Dog Chow. Point is, we don’t need this event to get an ‘inside’ look. We have more info than we need – there are no surprises on the red carpet and even fewer in the results.

(Same with marketing. We still try to entice consumers with marketing and ads the ‘reveal’ what people already know. The average man or woman understands more about our products and companies than many of our employees. That’s why ads that tell us what we already know are ho-hum. [And particularly B2B where no company wants to reveal its 'secrets' – even though a 5-year-old can find them on the Net.] BMW is still the ultimate driving machine after 40 years and I’m supposed to be surprised by that when I see it in an ad? With the Oscars as with marketing, TELL ME OR SHOW ME SOMETHING I DON’T KNOW. Otherwise I’m bored and you’re dull and irrelevant.)

2. In the same vein, the primordial belief that underpins the Oscars is that Hollywood is the center of the movie making world. It was in 1935, it ain’t now. Yet the show continues to play up the Hollywood mystique even though movies are global – in fact, movies may be the most global product in the world. Sure, the show tips its hat to ‘foreign language’ films (and in today’s world these movies aren’t any more foreign to me than an Adam Sandler comedy that I don’t get). The basic nature of the industry has changed, yet the Academy refuses to budge from its Hollywood-centric approach. So they perpetuate an idea that’s been dead for decades and wonder why consumers are bored.

Again, same with marketing. Kellogg continues pushing cereal as a healthy breakfast alternative (at least they had the intelligence to say “part of a healthy breakfast” although which part I still don’t know: the high carb, high sugar part, I guess). We live in an age that treats carbs like poison and sugar like crack. “No, it’s still 1920 and Americans want and need cereal.” Sure, in the same way that Americans still like to fry with lard (which was the #1 way to fry until the 1960s).

Now take a look at what Bayer did for aspirin. That little white pill went from pain relief to heart attack prevention – brilliant and had to be done once the world recognized that ibuprofen and other NSAIDs were better for pain. Credit Bayer with not sticking with its olde worlde message and having the sense to see that the premise of the product had changed. So that makes one company out of a million that gets it.

OK, so what’s the Academy supposed to do? What are marketers supposed to do? Begin by challenging the basic premise of your product. Is it still applicable? If not, have the courage to create a new, true story and be willing to tell it in a new way. How silly is it to be advertising “ironing boards for that wrinkle free look” when our clothes don’t require ironing? Sounds stupidly simple – then why don’t most companies get it? It's probably because no one can ever see himself or herself as irrelevant. (C'mon, in the last 20 years how many countries have disappeared? Czechoslovakia, Yugoslavia, the USSR, to name a few. If countries can disappear so can the need for your product.)

My advice to the Academy: Since movies are universal why not hold the event in a different international city each year? Let the locals add their culture and flair to the evening in the same way that Olympic opening ceremonies are unique to the host country. That would NOT be boring! It would also demonstrate the global reach of movies and, in many ways, make Hollywood look grander, more universal and more important than it is.

Or keep doing the same old show, produced by the same five people every year… and wonder why we're turning off and dropping out of the Oscars. (Do the same old ads with the same old agency and the same old look and wonder why the new kid of the block is taking market share… same difference.)

One more thing. The best, truest statement of the night came from Billy Crystal when he said (I paraphrase)… “what better way for the average American to feel good about their sinking economic status than to watch millionaires give each other golden statues.”

In the 1930s, out-of-work or under-employed Americans held no grudge against the rich; today we do (and it’s warranted, IMHO). Maybe the Academy should openly recognize this change and offer to close the financial disparity by funding education programs to help people get into movie making or just sponsor a soup kitchen on Hollywood Blvd – something, for God’s sake, to show you’re aware.

Finally, it’s ironic that this year’s Best Film is a tribute to what old Hollywood used to do right and no longer does... a time when Hollywood mattered. It's the equivalent of Best Album of the year being a remixed version of “Abbey Road.”

“When It Comes To Writing, Getting Started Is the Hardest Part” (Here Are Two Ways To Ease the Pain)

No truer statement has ever been made. Think about it, the headline and/or opening paragraphs of anything take the most time and cause the most pain… because there’s nothing worse than staring at a blank screen or piece of paper and expecting yourself to fill it. Frightening.

In many ways, the pain and fear can’t be avoided. Look at it like this: if you’ve ever jogged or bicycled any distance, you know the first mile or so isn’t fun… ever. There’s pain and doubt and your body hasn’t found its rhythm. But at some point down the road it all begins to work, your breathing levels out, things are fine.

Writing is the same. It takes time to get your brain in gear and your writing muscles loosened.

But there are a couple of tricks to ease the pain and/or speed the time till you’re hitting stride. Both can help, but generally I’ve found that people prefer one or the other, depending upon their personalities and styles. (I prefer the former, although sometimes the topic lends itself to approach #2.)

1. Think before you write! Too many of us sit down and try to write without having put any thought into what we might say. Make this common mistake and you’ll stare at that screen for hours and walk away with nothing. Take some time to THINK about where the ad or press release or article is going and don’t start writing until you have a clearer idea… save yourself the agony, doubt and inevitable self-loathing... and several starts and stops and starts and trash can basketball.

Most people believe that writing is something like 10% thought, 80% actual writing and 10% editing. Pros know it’s one-third, one-third, one-third. On the positive side, that means less time sitting at the desk and staring at a blank sheet of paper, but more time thinking and polishing the finishing product. Cheat any of the three sections and your work will suffer.

2. There’s a German saying, “Nothing makes you hungrier than eating.” Same with writing: the ideas start flowing from the physical act of writing itself. So start your article and continue on, even if the intro is weak and disorganized. Get as far as you can without stopping. You’ll see, the writing gets easier as you go along, just as jogging gets easier the longer you run.

But then go back and rewrite your intro and first couple of paragraphs. You’ll be in stride and have a better idea of where the article is going; you’ll see how to actually begin. Almost every writer will tell you that the first couple of paragraphs are generally s—t and need to be reconsidered because they were written before the author got warmed up and the essay or advert took shape.

Either one of these techniques should help get you going with less agony.

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PS: I can’t resist taking a shot at people who have no respect for how difficult the job is. You know, “all you did was write 100 words, how long did that take?” Generally this is a graphics guy who thinks his image is what’s selling. If images are the key, how did marketers sell before TV or photography or illustrations? With words! "In the beginning was the Word," even God uses words and stories (ever hear of a parable, Mr. Graphics?).

I did this once (an idea I stole from a one-time friend). In a room of salespeople, congratulating themselves on how well a product had done and convinced that they made it happen, I took offense at their egocentric,'we did it all' attitude. As if the story I'd told to position the product and attract consumers meant next to nothing.

"OK," I said, "here’s a new product (I had nothing but a box design with a product picture and the product name) go out and sell it... duplicate your success, I know you can do it!"

After a minute or two of silence came their response: “There’s no information. What are we selling?” Really! What happened to the earlier, self-congratulatory bravado?

Of course, they still didn't get the point?

Without the words, the story, the reasons behind the product, the sense of belonging if you choose to purchase, you’ve got nothing to sell. They had an image, a picture and the product name, supposedly that's all they need. Remember, images sell and now these crack salespeople have an image in hand -- they should be golden.

"So, who sold the product you or me?" I asked sarcastically.

“OK,” they said, “so write the new ad and we’ll start tomorrow.”

Tomorrow? Like it’s child's play to write a successful ad? I guess if you can write your name, you can write an ad. I supposed they figured about 125 words would do it and that should take 30 minutes, max.

So I gave each of them a blank sheet of paper and said, “Here, you fill the page if it's so easy" and left the room.

Never got one word back from any of them. This ain’t so easy, is it buddy?

Pittsburgh, Marketing and the Beauty of ATTACK Ads

I once worked for a guy who really knew his stuff, at least for a time and until he went into old-man mode after he made millions (with my help, I might add). He taught me a lot… but we always disagreed about negativity in ads… negativity aimed at the competition. He was against it: “show what you do, not what they don’t do.”

I was always for direct attacks at the competition that I see as the enemy.

I was born and raised in Pittsburgh during its dirty times when our sports teams were crap and the city had just begun its renaissance. And being from the Burg meant having a huge chip on your shoulder – and decades later I still do. It’s part of the Pittsburgh angst and anger that I’ve carried with me to every corner of the world. I haven’t been back home in years but that anger never moves far from the surface. I can be in Paris or London and it’s right there, whenever I see anyone or anything that looks pompous or full of itself… big brands, big ads by big companies, “London is the best city in the world,” and hogwash like that.

My Pittsburgh anger is about being discounted by the major media, discounted by places like Philadelphia (a hell hole, really), New York, Boston. I still remember Lou Reed’s small town song that says, “there's no Michelangelo coming from Pittsburgh," or something like that.

The anger comes from never being able to shake the stereotype. A lot of people and things come from Pittsburgh and its environs: Gene Kelley, Mary Cassatt, Andy Warhol, Joe Montana, Joe Namath, the Salk vaccine, Ahmad Jamal, Annie Dillard, Gertrude Stein, August Wilson, David McCullough, Christina Aguilera, Henry Mancini, Jimmy Stewart and my boyhood hero Bill Mazeroski, who single-handedly (at least to my young boy eyes) beat the mighty Yankees and that blowhard Mickey Mantle. But no matter. Even though we beat them our team is still crap and Pittsburgh is yokel, ignorant, bohunk… ad infinitum.

Let’s get back to marketing so my blood pressure can subside. When you and your product are dismissed by the bigger brands there’s only one way to respond. ATTACK! Like Gingrich did to Romney, then Mitt back to Newt. It’s documented that when Gingrich went negative he took the lead; Romney stopped being a sissy, then he retook the lead.

Or are you trying to tell me that politics ain’t marketing?

If you’re the little guy, the underrated product or the new kid that the competition dismisses with snickers and sneers and “who even knows about them?” comments, you must ATTACK.

Why? Because no one believes that you’re better, so touting your features and benefits rarely works. After all, the logical consumer believes that if you were better, you’d be bigger and more successful, right?

When Apple finally attacked the PC with those clever “I’m a Mac” ads, they stole market share from Microsoft.

You ATTACK the hubris, the pomposity, the idea of entitlement your competitor has simply by virtue of his size or his big ads and media control. How do you beat that? A punch in the face. (Yes, once you attack, then and only then demonstrate your expertise, new features, better financing, and the like.)

I did it when I challenged Allergan with “Better than Botox?” I would have preferred to kill the question mark but had to do so to keep this side of the FTC. Yes, I attacked Allergan with all its millions and press power and physician support; and I did so with everything Pittsburgh taught me: screw ‘em, I have nothing to lose so they can’t scare me, and who the hell do they think they are?

Did we beat them? Well, we pulled in half a billion dollars. They spent years trying to stop the ad and never could… in fact, had they bought us out and used our skin cream as a post-Botox healing cream, Allergan could have cleaned up. But they were too proud to admit that a small company took the shine off of their skin toxin.

People love a David and Goliath story; they love the underdog, the guy or gal who’s been wronged by the big company, the big ad agency… the little guy who never gets a fair shake and would win if the playing field were even.

Why am I a better marketer than, say, David Ogilvy? (He was the best, in my opinion, this is just an example.)

Because he gets attention by spending bags of the client’s money and not by being creative; because he threatens to pull his million dollar ad campaign if a magazine dares to run my ads; because he slips money to web sites and pays for positive comments and blogs without doing any work himself; because he doesn’t care about you or your product since he’s too busy spending the money he’s overcharged you. Have you seen his chateau in France? How do you think he got the money to buy that monstrosity? You probably helped pay for a room in the place.

So choose me! Without saying it, I am obviously the opposite of Ogilvy: creative, trustworthy, concerned, honest… and I’m successful the old fashioned way… I earn it and I don’t ‘cheat’ my clients.

I won’t convince everybody, but I guarantee you I’ll get more clients than simply touting my capabilities and being the nice guy. “Shucks, we’re a good agency that does good work at a good price.” Good luck with that one.

Marketers… Listen to Obama for Once… This Is Serious

We live in a 21st century economy, but we’ve still got a government organized for the 20th century. Our economy has fundamentally changed — as has the world — but our government, our agencies, have not. The needs of our citizens have fundamentally changed but their government has not. Instead, it’s often grown more complicated and sometimes more confusing.

The above is from President Obama’s January 13, 2012 speech on streamlining government. Forget your political leanings, this isn’t about the President or either political party… it’s about marketing. And this is serious.

Replace ‘government’ with ‘marketing’, ‘citizens’ with ‘consumers’ and you’ll see what I mean. I’ll save you the trouble.

We live in a 21st century economy, but we’ve still (have) marketing for the 20th century. Our economy has fundamentally changed — as has the world — but our marketing, our agencies, have not. The needs of consumers have fundamentally changed but marketing has not. Instead, it’s often grown more complicated and sometimes more confusing.

It’s no coincidence that the so-called “American Century” seems to have run out of steam just a decade into the 21^st century. When you refuse to recognize new realities, you can’t be surprised when things fall apart. You’ve lost touch – be it from stupidity or laziness or hubris.

For all marketers everywhere – BUT PARTICULARLY B2B – we are irrelevant… we have become lazy and uncreative… we are afraid to try anything new… as agencies, we follow the wishes of clients instead of using our own skills and gut feelings… we are easily replaceable because our derivative, me-too ideas can be copied by kids with a computer and a cheap video camera… we are becoming obsolete.

B2B agencies? You’re paid for what? Writing press releases that any college grad can produce? Organizing press visits for magazines that no longer have any clout? Organizing trade shows that are going, going, gone? Doing piss poor social media, grudgingly, slowly, unimaginatively? It takes no skills to do what you do, which is why hourly rates are dropping along with the amount of work you’re getting.

Companies, listen up: hire a 20-year-old English major, pay her (most likely) $30,000 and kiss your agency and its retainer goodbye. You’ll save money and lose nothing because you’ll get the same mediocre marketing that you crave.

(By the way, have you seen the want ads for ‘digital writers’? What’s a digital writer, you ask? That’s a euphemism for a semi-professional word pusher – meaning, “we don’t want to pay for a real writer because he/she is expensive and the work isn’t that creative.” The same goes for digital designers… “Designers? We don’t need no real designers!”)

Simply put, we’ve let marketing become the home of amateurs and we did it by not using our talents, not having the courage of our convictions, depending too much upon numbers and return rates, and producing horrible, confusing, pedantic work.

Read what the President said: we live in a 21^st century economy and it has changed fundamentally, which means it’s changed for good.

If the economy has changed marketing must change, or are you now telling me the two are unrelated?

Marketing 101: If You Meet Buddha on the Road?

Marketing is full or irony. Or maybe it’s just a Zen activity that lends itself to statements like, “If you meet Buddha on the road, kill him.” That’s a simple Zen puzzle which means, in essence, that if you see something you think to be Buddha, kill it (in your mind) because it is not Buddha (and it is keeping you from realizing the REAL Buddha essence that’s inside you).

OK, enough with the puzzle. Here’s my Zen/Marketing puzzle, ironic statement, of the day:

In anything you do vis a vis marketing and advertising, if the majority of people like the concept then it is not new enough and thus not good enough!

Chew on that for a minute.

The wisdom of this statement flows from several ‘facts’ about consumers, be they B2B or B2C.

1.    Consumers only want what’s new and what’s hard to get, they rarely want anything else.

2.    New, by definition, is something unseen and unexpected... the first iPhone, for example.

3.    Now here’s the irony – while people want new they don’t like new, at least not at first. New is disconcerting by the fact that its not immediately understood.

It should be coming clear: when you present an idea for a marketing strategy or new ad, not everyone will like what’s truly new and different because of statements #2 and #3 above. Eventually they may love the idea, but at first they will not; and to support their dislike, the fear of the unknown, they will criticise and naysay to cover for the lack of insight and courage they are demonstrating. It’s human nature. We all do it more times than we care to admit.

So, any supposedly new concept that everyone likes is, by definition, not new enough… and thus given #1 above, it will fail to capture the consumer’s interest.

As the song says ‘Isn’t It Ironic?’ And I can tell you that from an agency point of view, it gets hard to keep presenting new idea after new idea only to have each shot down, or worse, watered down until everyone in the room likes it.

Again – if everyone likes it, it’s not new enough, not good enough. Have the courage to challenge your customers and your management with something that is truly new. The rewards will be great.

Here’s a true story. Many years ago we did a series of proposed ads for a client with a product that measured the temperature on a circuit board through various stages of a reflow oven to guarantee that necessary levels were met and not exceeded and components weren’t either toasted or ready to drop off.

Our headline (which I still recall almost 20 years later):

It’s board #16, 515 through the oven… how do you know it’s been soldered correctly?

This was the clear winner of the six ads we presented on the day. The guy looks at the ads, tapes them up on the wall and asks about a dozen employees to have a look… including, now get this, the woman who happened to pass by as she was sweeping the floors and dusting the offices. Honest to God!

Needless to say he went with the concept they all agreed was best… we vehemently argued our case, but the client gets what the client wants (and will pay for).

The ad did OK… covered the cost of running it. The superior ad, however, would have pushed sales and the company image off the charts (the technology was first rate and could live up to the claim). The company is still in business, still struggling in the middle of the pack… probably still afraid to kill Buddha unless the cleaning lady gives them the nod.

Have You Ever Been Experienced?

I have – in the conventional sense and, I’ll admit, also in the terms to which Hendrix is referring. Sure, we all agree experience is a good thing; but as in everything else, too much is often a problem.

Here’s my history in a nutshell: 27 years working with words as editor and publisher of international B2B mags and a national consumer magazine with a circ of 450,000. US Director of a two-continent PR agency in B2B. Creative director for consumer/nutraceutical marketing company, helping to create print ads and produce TV ads that have sold more than half a billion in the span of five years. Published literary critic and short story writer. Adjunct professor (fancy name for part-time) teaching comp and rhetoric, American lit and world lit.

As musicians say, I’ve got the chops. (And by the way, I was a professional musician who spent nearly 10 years on the road working six nights a week.)

OK, so I’m experienced; but does that make me the best person to hire for, say, an ad agency or marketing company or magazine publisher?

Not really. In fact, my years of experience with their concomitant successes and failures may make me less of an asset: someone who rests on past accomplishments and has little drive; someone who focuses on how it used to be done not how it can be done; or worse, someone whose past failures (we all have ‘em, they help us grow, etc.) blind him/her to today’s new potentials?

I argue that post-2008 EVERYTHING has changed when it comes to marketing and consumer behavior. Logically, then, maybe all my experience is an anchor not a balloon.

I was reading a cheesy book about creative thinking and the author asked this question: why is it that older, professional golfers, those past 40, can’t win anymore? They can still hit the ball plenty far and are as accurate as younger golfers if not more so. Still, they can’t win… why?

Maybe because experience blinds them to opportunities during the course of a tournament. They can’t win because their past won’t let them conceive of the one shot that clinches the round. Or maybe they can still conceive of the shot but are too afraid to try it.

I’m just saying experience isn’t all it’s cracked up to be… particularly when it comes to this new era of marketing where past is not necessarily prologue… unless, that is, you’ve been able to maintain a young, unclouded perspective with the willingness, energy and curiosity to continue experimenting and learning. Otherwise, all the practical knowledge in the world won’t help you become a better 2012 marketer.

If you’re 50-plus, take a look in the mirror before you moan and groan about today’s inexperienced marketers. Their lack of a track record may be a big reason for the clever successes that leave you scratching your head.

Here endeth the sermon.

(OK, so now I’m thinking about the other ‘experienced.’ That sure was a way to radically shift your perspective and it only took a few hours… but no, I don’t have the courage to give that one more try. Some things are best left to the young.)

Corporate Hubris and Marketers Who Just Don't Get It

It's the age of empowered consumers, be they B2B or B2C... at least in the United States (so figure this is soon to come to a country near you, if the pattern's not already there).

In spite of overwhelming evidence my recent experience tells me that most companies don’t get it. And that indictment applies to large and small businesses alike. You’d think multi-billion dollar corporations with hundreds of marketing experts and social scientists on staff would see the pattern, but they don’t. Why? The Greeks had a word for it… hubris.

It’s really the same principle you see in play with some politicians. They choose high-risk behavior – nights with prostitutes, illicit sex in men’s rooms, etc. – because they feel they are powerful enough to be above the law. Of course, they never are, particularly when that ‘law’ is in the court of public opinion.

Companies are the same – and the bigger they are, the more ignorant and arrogant are their actions. And if management is post-50, only a very few can grasp the concept.

Three cases in point:

1. Bank of America announced that it would be charging a monthly fee for users of debit cards. Consumers hit the roof, then hit the Internet. One month before implementation (after swearing they would not go back on the policy) BofA scrapped the plan. Consumer power wins.
   
   
2. Netflix decides to raise its monthly charge several dollars and people are outraged. OK, says the CEO, then we’ll change the service plan from a combination of online and DVDs by mail, to just online. Another public outcry. Netflix loses 250,000 customers overnight. They relent but too late. The damage has been done to the brand and its bottom line. Consumers win again.
   
   
3. Now the fastest back down ever: A large US cellular phone company (Verizon) announces (just a few weeks ago) that it will charge customers $2 if they pay their bills online (and not through direct debit). Less than a day later, the uproar was so great the idea was dropped. Seeing a pattern yet?

Never in my lifetime have such large companies been forced to give in to consumers. Until now it’s been all their way and consumers could like it or take a walk.

No more. Yet companies continue to act as if they are in control. No matter how many lessons you can point to or how many times the newly empowered consumer wins, you can’t get 50-something executives to see it.

Nor do they ever think of the long-term consequences of this new consumer empowerment: how marketing and messaging need to change, for example, to address new consumer tastes and expectations. So they keep on with the old, tired message in the old, tired ways… keep alienating consumers… and scratch their balding heads as to why ‘nothing in marketing works anymore.’

Hubris… the downfall Icarus and Oedipus and Agamemnon and even King Arthur. The Greeks might not know how to run their economy, but when it comes to human nature, they’ve been spot on for centuries!

Strive To Be the Best? Poppycock!

Sometimes someone says something that is so pithy it concisely encapsulates the essence of a philosophy, an artistic movement and occasionally life itself. ‘Do Unto Others’ is life in a nutshell, isn’t it?

Let’s talk marketing.

How many companies have we all worked with or for (there’s a big difference, in case you didn’t know) that talk about and strive to be ‘the best’? Almost everyone focuses on it… some companies are manically driven by the concept, particularly those run by or started by engineers, PhDs, MDs or techies.

So sad that so many otherwise smart people actually believe that ‘the best’ product wins. And all around them, life shows each day that being the best is no guarantee of anything. Is Selma Hayek married to the best looking man in the world? No. Is Warhol’s soup can anywhere near the best painting in the world (by any definition of ‘best’ you choose)? A big, fat it's worth $20 million no.

Anyway, here’s the pithy statement that sums up marketing in a flash of insight: “Don’t strive to be the best; strive to be unique.”

First, ‘the best’ is indefinable for most markets and products. Marketing isn’t sports… there’s no timer or scoreboard or tape measure to tell me that I’m the ‘best’ sprinter or pole vaulter in the world. And when it comes to advertising, even the courts have ruled that saying you’re ‘the best’ is what they call 'puffery' (worthless advertising hype that consumers don’t believe so you can claim it all you like).

“So, what are you saying? That I shouldn’t strive to be the best?” That’s exactly what I’m saying.

Why fixate on being the ‘best’ if the goal can’t be defined? It’s like striving to be ‘splendiferous’.

And even if you could develop ‘the best’ widget, there’s no guarantee even one consumer will by it.

Strive to be, in Seth Godin’s words, ‘remarkable’ and/or strive to be ‘unique’. Remarkable sells, unique sells, life’s staples sell (like food and water and sex)… nothing else sells.

All you techies out there, you engineers, you scientists… use your intelligence and common sense and life’s experiences to get a grasp on marketing realities 101. In the vast, vast, vast majority of cases, marketing success (which translates into sales and fame and fortune) isn’t bestowed upon the best. Think about it rationally for once, will you?

(Isn’t rationality what you claim to be ‘the best’ way of arriving at a decision?)

The Debate Between Words v. Pictures Is Over: Words Win!

You don’t believe me, do you? Adam, Nedly, Elson, Andy, Paul and all the first rate graphics people I’ve had the pleasure to work with – you still don’t believe me.

But here’s what you don’t know…

In Sunday’s London Times (13 November) there was an article entitled “Uglies can’t hide on the net.” I’d link everyone to it but it’s a paid subscription. So trust me on this. (I will save the article to show you all when we next meet!)

The article is about online dating and how women judge the attractiveness of men.

Wait for it... attractiveness is based on what the men write about themselves and NOT, repeat NOT on the photos that are put online. This is a scientific study, not a cosmeceutical “three out of four women think they look better” sort of thing.

It seems that confident men convey this attribute through their words… women sense the confidence, which attracts them and implies the man is successful regardless of what the picture looks like!!!!!!

They’re looking at Quasimodo yet when they read the words – the WORDS – they find his ugly visage attractive. Isn’t that Sales 101? Isn’t that Direct Marketing 101?

Case closed, I win… at some primordial level, people (OK, to be fair, maybe this just applies to women) are convinced by and give away their hearts, so to speak, to words… as if there's a genetic mandate to do so… and a subconscious way of 'knowing' that is so powerful it overcomes the actual image.

You guys can buy me that drink now.

Straw Men, Marketing 101 and The Harvard Business Review

I was reading the Harvard Business Review blog (shocking, I know) at hbr.org and ran into a piece entitled "Stop Thinking Outside the Box." Well, immediately I'm insulted by what I see is a cheap marketing 101 attempt to be different simply by taking the opposite approach. This is what bad marketers do as a matter of course: "Think shampoo is the only way to wash your hair? Here's what you don't know." "Think Lincoln was a good president? Here's what you don't know." Ad infinitum, you can use the ploy on any topic.

The author was arguing that you shouldn't think outside the box until you know the limitations of the box itself. C'mon, really! That's your insight? As I replied to the blog, "It's like saying you have to breathe out before you can breathe in, duh!" This is what Harvard is telling me?

The author responded, saying that he wasn't being contrary for contrary's sake and maybe not everyone understood what I took to be common knowledge. He asked what out of the box insights I could offer. Well, I had to think. Following is my response.


Dan: I suppose I objected to the straw man aspect of your original post which makes for too easy of a target. And starting with a cliché to tear down doesn’t lead to much that’s new, at least that’s been my experience.

But to contradict myself, your article has taken some interesting turns, perhaps like a Rorschach test. My nature is to think a bit differently or so I tell myself (and like everyone, only on a few topics). To my mind, those who really think out of the box (you’ve made me hate that phrase) probably intuit what you suggest about understanding the current limitations before jumping to a new perspective. Which is why I had a Duh! moment with your article: of course that’s what you do, why make a big deal about it?

I’ve had a couple of pretty good out of the box moments – a couple in decades, so my track record is hardly in line with Steve Jobs or Niels Bohr. Or perhaps I’ve had more than I might think… maybe the standard I set for being out of the box is too high?

In business settings (I come from music and writing now to marketing) out of the box is easy as most in the room are so conservative. Executives claim they want out of the box but they don’t, they want “the same but different,” like Hollywood (out of the box thinking is ‘Let’s make another Jaws but this time with squirrels!').

My insight when it comes to marketing and business in general is this: After 2008, all bets are off. What once worked probably won’t work now… these are different times, revolutionary times. Waiting for the dust to settle won’t do, as the dust isn’t going to settle into what once was. Using past crises as a guide for surviving this one won’t do… this just may be one of those times when past is not prologue.

Sure, some things remain immutable at the deeper, human end: no one wants to grow old, we all want our children to do better than we did, we seek to protect our families, heroes will be heroes (as Joseph Campbell told us).

But the business activities that take place above these primordial basics will be forced to change very radically. Therefore, whether we like it or not we are all being forced to think outside the box because the box itself, with all of its historical intelligence and conventional wisdom, is close to being irrelevant.

###

Take that, freakin' Harvard!

Dear Mr. Ogilvy: Where's the Enthusiasm?

If you read Ogilvy's book on advertising (and you should), you might remember his original ad seeking creative directors, which he called Trumpeter Swans.

Ogilvy was looking for personal genius, he said, and inspiring leadership. I like the imagery -- marketers as trumpeter swans: they want to stand out, and as I interpret it, they are enthusiastically creative and not afraid to flaunt it.

So, where are these swans? I sit in meeting after meeting with marketers, designers, B2B and B2C marketing managers,  CEOs, web guys, the lot, and it's like spending an afternoon in the morgue: no excitement, no buzz, nothing. It's as if these men and women are going to the gallows later in the day.

Marketing is 90% enthusiasm about your product, your service, your company. This excitement is essentially what we impart through ads and pr, etc. Passion goes a long, long way in marketing and in life. Why then is it in such short supply these days?

Marketing is meant to be creative, thought provoking and entertaining. How can it be any of these things when both clients and agency types are so low key, so ho hum, so boring?

If you don't have enthusiasm for what you do, stop doing it and try something else.

If I'm a company looking for an agency, I want to see three things: intelligence, creativity and enthusiasm. Two out of three ain't good enough. All three or nothing. 

From the agency side, I want to see the same traits in potential clients. Those who come to us with no excitement or enthusiasm, dragging their feet to the meetings, acting as if they're being forced to market and with no passion in their product offering or company... well, these clients will fail no matter what we do or try to do for them. Why get started and, as an agency, why get tarred by the brush of boredom these clients will surely bring? 

Two rules about marketing that have not changed since day one: frequency works no matter how mediocre the marketing; and, enthusiasm is the most important ingredient to a successful campaign or ad. 

OK, here's the third: start with a quality product or a superior service... quality breeds enthusiasm.

What Are You Afraid Of?

OK, I could have made it grammatically correct but then the headline would not have sounded right, would it? “Of what are you afraid?” Hmmm…  I don’t know. I kinda like it because it stands out and that’s what so many in marketing are afraid of… standing out, being different, making a statement. Particularly B2B marketers who sometimes seem afraid of their shadows.

I remain amazed at how many people who make a living related to marketing don’t like the profession, the tactics or anything about it.

Let’s start at Marketing 101. The goal is to stand out in a way that gets people to notice you… an honest way, not an immoral way (you can always take off your clothes and get noticed or swear at the top of your lungs or pull a gun, for that matter). The best ways to stand out can include FREE, a compelling story, compelling graphics/design, killer product, and the like. Mostly, it’s a combination of these things but generally centered on the story – the words.

“If people buy difference . . . what’s yours?” That’s the first question a marketer asks and it’s also when the story comes in.

What’s the opening line of the Bible – the greatest story ever told? “In the beginning was the Word.”

Tells you the power of story… God himself or herself or itself uses parables, psalms, gospels and epistles to tell us the human story. There’s Adam and Eve, the revolt of the angels, the tower of Babel, the list goes on and yet we know them all by heart… because of words not images, not film footage of Lot’s wife or John the Baptist’s head… words.

So, why do so many in marketing fear words and/or believe that telling a story is somehow evil. These people aren’t marketers, they’re ‘fact packagers’, pixel and letter pushers who think real marketing is disseminating data. They’re too naïve or stupid to see that facts ain’t really facts – they're mostly opinions on interpreted data put out by experts with an agenda. Yet, these fools believe that facts are unspun and thus truer than, dare I say the word, marketing.

Please get out of the business.

Why am I being so cruel?

First, you’re too stupid to see that everything is spun, for god’s sake even God spins, thus we have parables. (I’d like to find the jawbone of an ass and beat you with it!)

Second, proper spin helps to illuminate the message… otherwise why read novels about Paris in the 1920s (The Sun Also Rises, in case you missed it)? Why not just give me a checklist of facts? (I’m making them up):

-one million Americans moved to Paris between 1920 – 1930
-Hemingway drank in 150 Parisian bars
-Rue Kleber is one of the longest streets in the 16th arrondissement

The above isn’t marketing, is it? Yet THEY think so. Again, especially B2B pseudo- marketers who think an advertisement is a picture of a widget, a few bullet points and a clever headline: “Let Columbus Widgets Help You Discover a New World of Efficiency.”

I’m going to puke. I’M GOING TO PUKE (in the voice of the screaming comedian who wrapped his car around a pole near Las Vegas).

And clients, my goodness, who frightened them as children?

You can bust your hump coming up with a clever story about their product, only to have them say, “We can’t say that, can we? Can’t we just tell them that our widget is the one that really works (emphasis on REALLY)?

No, you fool.

Have the creativity to come up with a good story (the tortoise and the hare, for example), write the damned thing (oh, I forgot, people don’t read… you’re right, they don’t read the crap you’re pushing) and then present it to the world, knowing full well that some will love it, some will hate it. Fine.

But have the courage of your convictions and learn to live with the concept that not everyone loves you. You’re trying to capture a share of the market, not the entire market (not just yet) not the entire city or country or continent.

"Oh we can’t do that” was probably the cry of the first company prodded to advertise on TV or radio… or place their product in a movie… or use a billboard… always, always it’s NO,NO,NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Face it you coward: it’s not that, “We can’t do that,” it’s that you’re too chicken to do it… and marketing is no place for the faint of heart.

Those who push facts do so because they don't have the creativity and vision to tell a story.

Blacksmiths, Marketers, Wall Street Hucksters, Horse Racing and Zimmerman

In the midst of social, economic or personal turmoil, it’s human nature, I guess, to expect that things will eventually return to normal. The usual advice runs from ‘stay positive’ to ‘think long term,’ to ‘just ride it out, don’t panic’. All platitudes, all nonsense, non-thinking, knee-jerk, self-serving answers that sound like information but are really hollow, empty bits of noise.

Stock market pundits and Wall Street hucksters are the worst. Some poor schmuck has just lost 50% of his life savings and their response is ‘keep in there for the long term’. What jackasses… and that’s not the term I’m really thinking of… it begins with mother.

They nearly bankrupt the country, do bankrupt millions of Americans, take money from the government to bail themselves out, then say “all is well with Wall Street, this is just a temporary correction, invest again.” Bull – you know it, I know it.

Things will never be the same for Wall Street – never, which is why large corporations and mom and pops are holding onto cash. “But there’s opportunity,” some TV stock market shill will say.

I’ll repeat what my rich (for my family) uncle told me many years ago. He was a professional gambler and bookmaker… I asked him why he didn’t invest in stocks (I was a 16-year-old know-it-all at the time). “There are thousands of stocks out there and you expect me to pick a winner, when I can go to the track and all I have to do is pick a winner from nine horses.” “But uncle,” I stupidly said, “the races are fixed!” He looked at me as if he was ashamed of our shared heritage. “I still have a one in nine chance to win a fixed race.” His loving disgust was at my assumption that stocks weren’t fixed.

Let’s move to marketing… things have changed and will never, listen to me, NEVER be the same, in part because our economy and our attitudes about money and buying things and consumption of goods have changed. All the old tried and true tricks of the trade are dead and the only ones who don’t see it are the agency types who once made a good living from old school marketing. They have nothing new to sell clients, so they continue to run their mouths about how ‘nothing has really changed,’ ‘just hang in there,’ etc. These jackasses (again, not the word I prefer to use) are protecting their own skin and don’t give a rat’s about their clients. Sorry, that’s the truth. They are too scared, too lazy or too stupid to see the marketing landscape and the economic reality for what it is.

My pitiful analogy. Around 1908, blacksmiths see the first Model-T and watch their businesses tank. There are three possible reactions:

1. The world can’t do without horses, we’ll always be in demand, just let the fad pass (most people);

2. What we need is a better horse shoe, that’s all… maybe one that glows in the dark (so-called entrepreneurs, the guys who always seem to have a ‘great’ idea based on yesterday’s information);

3. Screw horseshoes, I’m going to learn how to make metal rims for the Model-T (the few, the smart, the successful).  

There aren’t many marketers or marketing managers in category #3.

I hate to quote Zimmerman (as Lennon called him) because it’s a dead giveaway of my age, but his 1960’s lyrics are perhaps more appropriate today… replace ‘senators and congressmen’ with marketers and agency execs.

Come senators, congressmen
Please heed the call
Don’t stand in the doorway
Don’t block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There’s a battle outside and it is ragin’
It’ll soon shake your windows and rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin’