New Wave Marketing 101: Stop Whinging and Sell Something!

I was getting ready to post about a recent conversation with a potential client: a B-list reality star who wants her own cosmetic brand.

But why moan about the same old story?

It’s the nature of the business to speak with people who KNOW all there is to KNOW about marketing even though they have never marketed a thing. This inane conversation (where the ultimate price point she wanted minus the 55% discount to distributors, minus formula costs, production, airless pump and ‘glamorous’ packaging left a whopping $9 gross without a cent spent for marketing) followed an earlier one in which a client didn’t need help identifying social media opportunities or developing an online persona because, “I went to a seminar last month.”

Wow! Three whole hours of marketing wisdom.

I'll just move on and keep my chin up… while being ever more convinced that if we marketers are good at what we do, we should sell our own products so we finally have complete control, on one hand, and no more excuses (as the existentialists say) on the other.

Our success will prove the validity of our creativity and strategy and become a model/template for those rare clients who recognize what they’re good at and where they need help.

God bless ‘em. Now get out there, get your hands dirty, pony up your time and money, and sell something.

Cosmeceuticals Vs. Tennis Racquets? Who’s Selling Snake Oil?

When it comes to snake oil, I think the people at Head tennis racquets have taken the cake. Even the most egregious direct response male performance product has nothing on these guys. And note… I am a tennis player, I love getting a new racquet and I want to believe.

Here’s the line for Head’s Youtek Mojo Racquet: “d3o Technology senses your needs during different strokes.” Honest to God, that’s how it’s written.

Let me understand: this inanimate object with no electronic sensors and no ability to change shape or density actually senses my needs during play? C’mon, this is snake oil beyond snake oil.

Let a cosmeceutical company claim its anti-wrinkle cream “senses your needs with new d3o Penetrating Epidermal Technology” and the FDA and FTC would start to twitch.

So, as I’m about to hit a drop shot I guess the racket senses this and what? Reduces string tension so I hit a softer shot? Maybe the racquet changes its balance point and goes from handle heavy to head heavy in an instant to put more weight behind the shot? And if I’m trapped in the corner and have to hit a passing shot, I guess the Youtek Mojo grows in size so I get more hitting area. Wow!

In another part of the ad, it says that d3o Technology “…makes passing shots harder and drop shots more precise.” Again, WOW!

Those of us in nutraceuticals and cosmeceuticals are frequently if not constantly accused of selling snake oil. Part of the reputation has been ‘earned’ by spurious marketers hawking Blue Stuff and male enhancement cures and anti-wrinkle breakthroughs; but much of the reputation is unfair. All marketers, from Rolls Royce to the American Cancer Society, make claims that they are new, different, better. That’s the essence of the art.

Part of our outrage at advertising seems to be that we consumers will accept claims for products we like while laughing at those made for things we don’t need or use. Women like cosmetics; men think the ads are stupid: “Who in the world would believe that?” Turn the tables, however, and most women think that ads for the latest 5 terabyte cloud computing breakthrough are nonsense.

Even though I am a tennis fanatic, the Head people have set a new standard. This goes way beyond the people who advertised a cream that helps erase ‘ear wrinkles.’ Suddenly, that claim seems fine to me when compared to a morphing tennis racquet.

Here’s a thought. Instead of the Youtek Mojo, call it the Youtek Mr. Mojo Risin’ and claim the racquet makes you look like Jim Morrison (pre-junkie phase) as you gracefully run to make a fantastic shot… long hair glistening in the sun.

 I’d pay for that (and so would my wife)!