New Wave Marketing 101: Most Ads Are Direct Response... and All About the Headline

Required reading

Arguably the best book on advertising is "Ogilvy on Advertising," from the 1970s. Back then he said something that has certainly come true: all advertising would one day become direct response advertising. 

What does that mean? Well, direct response, which agency types see as somehow 'dirty' (and they have some good reasons for this belief), aims at getting people to do something NOW: get up off the sofa, pick up the phone, give us a call (now it's visit our site or send us an email).

Most ads, unfortunately, try to be branding, which is agency talk for they didn't sell a thing but they look good. Ogilvy foresaw that advertising was getting expensive, consumers were jaded and there would not be enough ROI for those nice, pretty "we love the environment and we love our customers" ads.

If you have the courage to advertise, whether it's B2B or B2C, have the courage to ask for the sale.

So how does this relate to headlines? Very simple: anyone who has ever written a direct response ad knows that the headline is the single most important factor in an ad's success. As much as 70% of the response can be attributed to the head (in the same way that 70% of a cigar's flavor is in the wrapper... the filling, the bulk of the cigar plays a very minor role). Which is why it can take weeks to write a great 10 word headline, then two hours to write the rest of the ad.

So what makes a good headline? It's an art and a gut feeling. But there are a few 'rules' handed down from successful DR pros that you might consider.

1. Don't be too cute! How many B2B ads have you seen that work with a play on words? You know: "Columbus Widgets Can Help You Discover a New World of Savings." Mostly, these are terrible; although when a good one comes along, research shows that these play on words headlines are the MOST memorable of all. Just resit the tendency to be 'Don Draper' clever.

2. Questions work. The most successful cosmetics ad of the past decade asked a simple question: "Better Than Botox?" and women responded to the tune of half a billion USD. If you can ask a 'real' question, something your customers are asking themselves, you could be on to something.

3. FREE always works, always, always, always (but these days, not 'FREE with autoship program.' Nothing turns off customers faster... and nothing gets the government involved quicker than autoship... just ask 'Smiling Bob' and his people).

4. You've got to standout without screaming... make a point that your audience is worried about, curious about, struggling with and offer the promise of a solution or some information people don't already know.

Whatever you do, spend a lot more time on the headline and opening paragraph than you are used to spending. We all usually jump at the first cute headline that we think of (and if the headline seems cute, it probably is so forget it) or we listen to some engineer or 'scientist' whose solution is to "just say what it is."

C'mon who wants to listen to a lecture entitled "Ball Grid Arrays and Effective Soldering Techniques" when you can listen to one called...

"Solder Balls Aren't As Bad As You Think... They're Worse"?

New Wave Marketing 101: Keeping It Above the Fold and Other Stupid Ideas

Just read an article by some crack designer (http://iampaddy.com/lifebelow600/) telling me that it’s no longer  “de rigeur” to worry about keeping web content ‘above the fold.’ People will scroll without a problem; so longer web pages are fine… fine, I tell you.

I’m about to blow a gasket.

For years… years… every tin pot designer and web expert has been SCREAMING about keeping copy above the flippin’ fold. That line was Gospel. I think Jesus said as much at The Sermon on the Mount.

I ask any of you who write copy, how many times have you heard that admonition? How often have you been asked to cut a story or change a paragraph or ruin a good subhead or make the font smaller all so you could keep it above the fold?

Hundreds. Thousands.

And here’s the worst part: we were stupid enough and weak enough to do it… to let a CODER tell us what sells… to change our story to fit a nonsensical idea.

People read books and magazines… and they have no problem turning pages. Case closed. The Internet didn’t change that. Write a good story, something compelling, and people will scroll and turn pages and click mice to follow along.

EVERYONE KNOWS THAT… BUT STILL WE PUT UP WITH A DECADE OF ‘ABOVE THE FOLD’ IDIOCY. (Ooo, it’s so elegant, so intelligent.)

I guess what’s making me sore (aside from thinking of all the unnecessary things I had to do to make things fit) is that the executives (VPs of marketing, supposedly) we worked for were so damned quick to believe… and so eager to trust a CODER. (Excuse me… they had numbers! Unfortunately, marketing and selling can’t be fully quantified with spreadsheets and algorithms.)

Copywriters, how low our stock has sunk. This idea of short, above the fold copy is a big reason why people now think anyone can write. Why pay for long copy and a good story when you don’t need to? No one’s reading more than one screen. Anyone can throw together a couple of sentences!”

Ah, I can hear it now… the sound of CODERS tap dancing around this new information… “Sure, it was good advice at the time but people have changed, blah, blah, blah.”

No, they haven’t. That’s why a good story is still called a ‘page turner.’

(What next? Are you going to tell me that keywording isn’t all it’s cracked up to be?)

New Wave Marketing 101 - Shine On You Crazy Diamond

Let's agree: marketing today is a mess: amateurs, cowards, copycats, and dead boring B2B. So stop complaining, I say to myself, and offer a solution.

Well, I have one... thanks to Roger Waters and Stephen Mitchell. You know the former Pink Floyd genius but not the latter. Mitchell is the author of numerous books on religion, zen, history, and poetry and did the absolute best translation of the Tao, hands down, bar none (see http://www.stephenmitchellbooks.com/transAdapt/taoTeChing.html). And his translation of Rilke's poetry can bring you to tears if you're so inclined (see http://www.stephenmitchellbooks.com/transAdapt/poetryRilke.html).

The advice these two gave me applies to Zen, music, and marketing: shine in your original brilliance, as Mitchell put it. Shine on you crazy diamond, says Roger Waters.

What does this mean? Well, the keywords are 'original' and 'crazy'. Once upon a time, we were brilliantly unique. Then circumstance, age, and experience made us dull and common—just like marketing today.

But I think Americans, in particular, not only (I took an advanced degree in American Culture, so I'm prejudiced), can slough off the dust with a playful shake (paraphrasing Walt Whitman) and return to our original brilliance.

How? Well... what made you want to be a writer in the first place? No one ever said, "I want to write so I can compose tired, dull ads that are mostly lies." No fledgling graphic artist ever said, "I want to copy other people's work and turn art into a commodity."

None of us ever sought to maintain the status quo. We all, at one time or another, wanted to push the boundaries, didn't we?

I'm not here to explain why we lost our brilliance. I guess most answers would start with fear: of losing our jobs, of not making a payday, of facing angry clients, or of failure itself.

There's no blame to place. Let's all agree that, say, we do something once a week for the sheer hell of it... something extraordinary to flaunt our talents, push the limits, and make people laugh, scream, or cry. Just once a week, let's promise we'll return to our original brilliance... the ideas, talents, and passions that made us want to be in this business in the first place.

If our brilliant work goes nowhere, so what? Unenlightened clients won't like it, but that's their loss, not ours. Let it be our way of showing that commercial success isn't the only thing we care about. Let it be our gift to younger generations... let them see what we once possessed and still possess. Let's show ourselves that we still have talent regardless of age, economic status, or level of success.

Once a week, show your original brilliance -- shine on you crazy diamond!

New Wave Marketing 101: Overpaying, Over Doing and Over Estimating the Value of Social Media

If you saw the recent article about The State Department paying over $600K to raise its likes from 60,000 to 2,000,000 you should have laughed and then paused to reflect.

Here’s the takeaway: Most companies are over doing social media, over paying for the results and over estimating the value.

Here it is… short and sweet:

1. SM is a given for the vast majority of companies, but the simple basics are all that most need… because it’s expected – like a listing in the Yellow Pages was expected by consumers, even though no one saw results commensurate with cost.
2. CEOs and internal marketing departments in B2C and B2B are enamored of SM and frightened to be left behind, so they let any pretty face come in and sell them on likes and Google+ and tweets and you name it. Like taking candy from a baby… fools chasing numbers that don’t translate into sales.
3. Results are so poor that in any other media we would all run screaming from the field. But Google has us convinced that .75% is a pretty darn good return. I was a magazine editor/publisher for 20 years. If I had to sell that number to advertisers I would have been laughed out of the room.
4. Only two types of products/companies really benefit from the all out SM campaign: small, disruptive companies/products and huge multinationals. That’s it. Why these two?
• The big, big and maybe only significant effect SM has had on marketing is that for the first time consumers are finding you (78% find companies/products, not the other way around) and when they do, they’ve already developed an idea of who you are. You need to affect these preconceptions and this has traditionally been the realm of advertising; and if you can afford it, big ads with frequency still beat SM.
  
  But if you don’t have the bucks, SM allows you to disrupt markets, attack big market leaders and build status and belief with ‘minimal’ cost. This idea works with both B2B companies and consumer products trying to break through or disrupt an established market.
  
  But once you've hit mid-sized, SM is a minor necessity. You’re not disruptive, you have some media budget, you only need a basic presence.

• Then, there are a few, just a few, huge companies that need to present a human face: Wal-Mart, General Electric, GM, etc. -- companies that most people see as cold and faceless. Intelligent SM works well for them as branding, not sales. 

But most companies are not this big and do not need to be humanized. I don't expect Big O tires to show me their human side -- I do expect or at least appreciate a bit of humanity from Blue Cross Blue Shield or Shell Oil, etc.

If you’re not in one of these two categories, then SM is a small part of your marketing efforts these days. The blush is off the rose. For you to expect big results (and for you to pay big bucks to the plethora of SM pundits and overblown, egotistical coders and SEO ‘liars’) from minuscule return rates is just silly.

Look, say hello and thanks to your customers, explain what you do, offer a sale, improve your customer service, attract good people to hire, then get the hell out of SM.

The rest is plain nuts!

Paula Deen Gets Railroaded… I Still Don’t Like Her, But Fair Is Fair

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What a week for the fried chicken queen. And let me say up front that I have used Ms. Deen’s catering service and the food was wonderful! Amazing fried chicken, some of the best I’ve ever had; and I’m no rookie when it comes to chicken and greens and grits. I’ve been married to an Alabama woman for 40 years whose mom is a first-rate, classic southern cook.

With that confession, I’ll also admit that I don’t like Paula’s persona, or anyone who makes a living being ‘southern’ or ‘a NYC wise guy’ or ‘a cynical New Englander’. I dislike all of that regionalist shtick. We’re Americans, ain’t we? Ms. Deen, and all who make a living exaggerating local eccentricities, are simplistic caricatures, at best, and almost instantly boring (like the blue collar comedians – they start out funny then fizzle out altogether and do Prilosec commercials, y’all).

But Ms. Deen has been given a cruel beating for no reason, other than she’s a loud southern woman and we don’t like that. First, let’s be honest – how many times in our lives have we used the N-word? (And the word is nigger, why can’t we say it in context? What are we afraid of?)

In my lifetime, hundreds: it was a common and ignorant term in the 60s and 70s. Yes, we’ve thankfully overcome some hurtful talk, but don’t ask Ms. Deen and those of her age to rewrite history. And isn’t that what the media is doing? Matt Lauer’s question about how many times she said ‘nigger’ is childish and inflammatory and almost requires Ms. Deen to lie.

‘Hey Matt, how many times have you said the N-word? Or Jew? Or dago? Or towel head? Or cracker?’ How many polocks does it take to change a light bulb? How do you get an Italian girl pregnant? These derogatory words and jokes are rampant among all colors and creeds… that’s not a good thing, just a fact. (Again, as a culture we are getting better at this, more sensitive to other’s feeling, less fearful.)

But now the media judges Ms. Deen to be racist? You duplicitous bastards!

Here's what really gets me angry: from a marketing perspective I loath the PR companies and ‘experts’ who are filling the airways with cowardly advice for Ms. Deen: “Be repentant, say you’re sorry, swallow your pride, etc., etc., etc.” Bull. What did all of that get her, including the tears, after the Lauer interview? Nothing.

Some jackass from a reputation management company in California was on CNN pontificating about how Ms. Deen should atone for her N-word sin. Worst advice ever.

Here is mine: Don’t apologize. If you’ve hurt anyone’s feelings, you’re sorry, but feelings are easily hurt and angry people can’t really be helped.

Say this: “As a woman who grew up in the South, I occasionally used the word – as do both black and white employees in my restaurants… but only occasionally. I’m over 65 years old; if I’ve used the word 50 times it’s less than once a year. 

“Look at the bulk of my employees, black and white… they haven’t claimed racism in the 25 years I’ve been in business. Explain that.

“I’m a cook, not a political figure – I have no need to be politically correct, only to treat people as I wish to be treated. Call me a redneck bitch, I don’t care. I don’t bring lawsuits; I don’t claim you’ve hurt me at some deep level. And I don’t think that makes you prejudiced against women or the south. Rather, it makes you human and we’re all ignorant and angry at one time or another... like when someone has a gun to your head."

Case closed. The more she apologizes and cries and plays ‘queen for a day’ the longer this beating will last… the more people will kick her when she’s down… the longer this episode will define her career.

And ultimately, how can Ms. Deen be hurt? She has millions. Her followers will give her more support, not less. Those who didn’t like her (I’m one) might begin to feel some sympathy (I do).

Paula, please… stop listening to these reputation sissies who always ask you to be humble… who demand an apology. Heroes don’t apologize… and you are a heroic, single mom entrepreneur who took her limited talents and built them into an empire.

Good for you. You have created something, which is more than anyone can say for the Matt Lauer’s of the world who have no creative talent other than the back seat driving skills to criticize.

“Matt, you’re not fair and you can’t hurt me… so ask an intelligent question or please shut up.”

Better yet, stay off of that insipid show. (Next on The Today Show… sensible shoes for summer!)

What whores these media people be.

NewWave Marketing 101: Nothing can change the shape of things to come

Wow… hadn’t thought of that song since the 60s. And honestly, neither the song nor the movie (Wild in the Streets) was any good. But like it or not, the sentiments of a generation and 1968 American culture were plainly, if not naively, expressed.

In many ways it’s 1968 all over again for marketing and advertising: things are changing in ways no one can control and few can imagine. What we’re left with at the current moment is a very poor mix of old and new… the old is obvious nonsense to everyone, except for the agencies who continue to peddle it because they’ve nothing else… and, of course, direct response which is so silly that it’s camp. (Do you LOVE the ear wax commercial where the guy sticks the Q-tip in his ear up to his eye socket and then jumps? Jerry Lewis would be proud.)

The so-called ‘new’ hasn’t arrived… instead we get an almost dada-like attempt at trying to be cutting edge and cool. Just another form of nonsense -- but at least these people are trying to find ‘the new’ and aren’t peddling old ideas with the bromide that, “things haven’t changed very much… marketing is coming back to the basics.” No, it isn’t.

Where it’s going, who knows? Have you noticed how much humor is being used these days in TV adverts? As if to say, “we know you don’t believe any of this, so let’s all pretend we’re in on the joke.”

Of course, fact-based ads are almost the sole province of drug companies. They’ve all developed this concept of nice, happy images rolling by, while they’re talking about side effects such as nausea, heart attack, sudden death, hives, swollen throat and tongue, blurred vision, etc.

Since I have a musician’s gallows humor, I actually find these drug commercials more comical and absurd than the ads that are meant to be funny.

Speaking of which, here’s an apocryphal story related to music… but I think it demonstrates what level of change lies ahead for advertising and marketing.

A very good friend and first rate guitarist (whom I’ve known since those on-the-road years in the late 70s) told me about a collaboration he had completed. If you stop to think about how revolutionary this is, you’ll see the implications.

Danny has produced a few home videos where he plays along with basic jam tracks… just for fun and to keep his chops up. He posts them on youtube and a cool sight called Fandalism.com. Well, he gets an email from someone in Italy (Danny is in Atlanta) who has written a song, put down most of the tracks but needs a guitarist. He sends the files to Danny… who adds his tracks and voila… an international collaboration that’s online to the world.

Here’s the part to consider. Even 10 years ago, if I had a band in, say, Cleveland and we were all in our 20s, we would have never considered auditioning a player in his late 50s. Never... much less a 55 year old guy from Mexico City or Bordeaux.

Ten years later, age doesn’t matter nor does distance… what matters is talent and creativity. That’s it.

I have no idea the age of the Italian guy -- he could be 16 or 60… who cares?

This idea of long distance joint musical ventures between countries and cultures and ages is amazing… and beyond anyone’s comprehension even a decade ago.

Marketing and advertising are in the midst of similar radical change to the very essence of the industry… change that no one anticipated… change that agencies are dismissing as foolish (like now defunct record companies did).

I for one -- even at my late age -- can’t wait to see the new burst of creativity we’re soon to experience… and I will be vindictive enough to laugh out loud as so-called marketing experts and agency consultants are left clinging to a couple of clients and biding their time until the good old days of blowhard marketing return.

Like maybe… never… if there’s a God.

Another Company Bites the Dust – But Internet ‘Gurus’ Get Their Money

This is a very unhappy ‘I told you so’ on my part.

But it’s like clockwork… sad, fatalistic, inevitable... a warning from Cassandra that goes unheeded.

A very promising company has just gone under. Sure, there are a lot of reasons, but primary was the decision to spend big bucks on Internet/SEO/Adword gurus. These Net guys got a relatively large sum to build an online presence that would virtually ‘guarantee’ sales and top-of-the-page organic SEO.

Remember, these were the guys who proudly boasted that they had built 159 landing pages to make sure the word got out to every corner of the digital world. (See The Big Lie: Software Is Eating Marketing).

Problem was, these guys weren’t marketers. Problem was the owner believed that metrics could boost sales rather than solid marketing. Problem was the owner paid good money for his web presence but did very little and spent very little to develop a coherent message/story for his product.

But the web guys were so confident their strategy would work – the same strategy they use for every company regardless of product.

As predicted, the 159 landing pages and blogs and tweets and Facebook pages all went for naught. No story, no sales. Period.

So the company goes bust, good friends are out of work… while the Internet guys move gleefully to yet another company, making the same promises and taking the same large chunk out of the budget.

In a letter to the company president sent six months ago, here was my warning…

There is so much chatter about new algorithms, the decline of keywords, the rise of unique content, the decline of multiple sites, etc., I focus on the long-term narrative and customer expectations. If that messaging is right, Internet professionals will know how to break the copy above the fold and those types of things. 

But… If people don’t understand or believe your message, or don’t see the need for your product, all the CTRs and CPCs and closing rates and page hits won’t really translate into the type of sales you’re looking for.

Again, simple advice that went unheeded.